SillyEz.com

It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was
establishing the fact that she’d take no nonsense from the kiddies this
year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy, “My name is Johnny
Fuckhauer”. So she said “There’ll be none of that kind of thing this year,
Johnny; tell me your REAL name!”. The kid said “No, really teacher, it IS
Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my
brother if you don’t believe me!” Not wanting to be subjected to that kind
of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade
classroom door. The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the
front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the
class, “Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?” “Hell no!” replied a little kid
from the front row, “We don’t even get a cookie break!”

A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration.

His father picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the phone is answered, he asks, “Can I speak to Alf, please?”

“No! There’s no one called Alf here,” says the person who answered the phone.

His father hangs up. “That’s irritation,” he says.

He picks up the phone again, dials the same number, and asks for Alf a second time. “No-there’s no one here called Alf. Go away. If you call again I shall
telephone the police,” the person says.

His father hangs up and says, “That’s aggravation.”

“Then what’s frustration?” asks his son. The father picks up the phone and dials the same number a third time.

“Hello, this is Alf. Have I received any phone calls?” he asks casually.

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.

His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table,
and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.

He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading
a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”

She again smiled and answered, “You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?”

“Yes,” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”

These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi School District. (Spellings have been left intact.)

My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her
brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even
got hot last night.

A Fairy Godmother told a married couple: “For being such an exemplary married couple for 35 years, I will give you each a wish”.

“I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband” said the wife.

The Fairy moved her magic stick and abracadabra! two tickets appeared in her hands.

Now it was the husband’s turn. He thought for a moment and said: “Well this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a
lifetime.

So…..I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me”.

The wife was deeply disappointed, but a wish was a wish. The Fairy made a circle with her magic stick and…..abracadabra!… Suddenly the husband was
90 years old.

Reminder: Fairies are Female!

The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice decided to skip school and go
to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.

“Hi, I’m calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill.”

Secretary at high school answered, “I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll note her absence. Who is this calling please?”

“This is my mother.”

An engineer dies and reports to hell.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.

After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan replies, “Hey things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going
to come up with next.”

God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”

Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”

England’s West Country is known for its charming cottage- like shops. While visiting the area, my friend peered in through one window to see shelf upon
shelf of interesting- looking books. So she went inside.

A woman appeared through a beaded curtain and asked, “Can I help you?”

“No, just browsing,” said my friend.

“Fine,” came the reply. “But so you know, around here most people knock before entering someone’s home.”

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping
at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately residences…no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all NO PUBLIC
RESTROOMS.

He really, really has to go, after all those Guinnesses. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides
to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London police officer, who says, “I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know.”

“I’m very sorry, officer,” replies the American, “but I really, really have to go, and I just can’t find a public restroom.”

“Ah, yes,” said the policeman…”Just follow me”. He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.

“In there,” points the policeman. “Go ahead sir, anywhere you like.”

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge
beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

Since he has the policeman’s blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the police officer,
“That was really decent of you… is that what you call English hospitality?”

“No sir…”, replied the police officer, “…that is what we call the French Embassy.”