A 54 year old woman
had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked “Is my time up?”
God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8
days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone
come in and change her hair colour and
brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought
you said I had another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path
of the ambulance?”
God replied: “Holy
Shit! I didn’t recognize you.”
,ezzy’s ,joke (! ,”d3 2nd ,Chance ,at ,Life
2 NovProcrastinator’s Creed
27 OctProcrastinator’s Creed
You may wish to delay reading this until you have more free time.
- I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
- I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
- I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
- I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in propoartion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to recieve from missing them.
- I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possiblity for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
- I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
- If at first I don’t succeed, there is always next year.
- I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
- I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
- I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
Rolex & Timex
20 OctA girl was visiting her blonde friend and noticed she had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?” Whereupon the blonde responded, “What else you gonna name watch dogs?”
Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: Breathalyzer
19 Oct“Shhaaayyy, buddy, what’s a ‘Breathalyzer’?” asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool.
“Well, I’d have to say it’s a bag that tells you when you’ve drunk way too much,” answered the equally wasted gent.
“Ah hell, whaddya know? I’ve been married to one of those for years and years now!”
Quotes That Make You Think
12 OctI never did very well in mathI could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn’t meant my answers literally.
- Calvin Trillin
I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
- Lily Tomlin
You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? . . . Movie Day.
- Jay Mohr
Modern cynics and skeptics…see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom
they entrust the care of their plumbing.
- John F. Kennedy
A teacher who is attempting to teach without inspiring the pupil with a desire to learn is hammering on cold iron.
- Horace Mann
When you teach your son, you teach your son’s son.
- The Talmud
A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.
- Henry Brooks Adams
Teachers, I believe, are the most responsible and important members of society because their professional efforts affect the fate of the earth.
- Helen Caldicott
Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher.
- Japanese proverb
Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young.
- Anonymous
Education is light, lack of it darkness.
- Russian proverb
Tell me and I’ll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I’ll understand.
- Chinese Proverb
You are rewarding a teacher poorly if you remain always a pupil.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
As long as teachers give tests, there will always be prayer in schools.
- Anonymous
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
- Woody Allen
Secrets of My Success
11 Oct* If you want to be successful, it’s just this simple: Know what you’re doing. Love what you’re doing. And believe in what you’re doing.
- Will Rogers
* The people that get on in this world are the people that get up and look for the circumstances that they want; and if they can’t find them, they make
them.
- George Bernard Shaw
*The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
* The best way to predict the future is to create it!
- Jason Kaufmann
* Whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger.
- Unknown
* The future is simply infinite possibility waiting to happen. What it waits on is human imagination to crystallize its possibility.
- L. Kaiser
* The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself.
- Mark Caine
This is Rex Barker, contemplating success, reminding you to get rid of the doubt that holds you back and start your path to success, however you define
it. Start today.
Classic Quotes by Frank Herbert
8 OctClassic Quotes by Frank Herbert
1920-1986
US writer
Any road followed precisely to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little bit to test it’s a mountain. From the top of the mountain,
you cannot see the mountain.
Enemies make you stronger, allies make you weaker.
He who can destroy a thing, can control a thing.
How often it is that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him.
If you think of yourselves as helpless and ineffectual, it is certain that you will create a despotic government to be your master. The wise despot, therefore,
maintains among his subjects a popular sense that they are helpless and ineffectual.
It is a wise man that does know the contented man is never poor, whilst the discontented man is never rich.
It is shocking to find how many people do not believe they can learn, and how many more believe learning to be difficult. Muad’Dib knew that every experience
carries its lesson.
Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.
Religion often partakes of the myth of progress that shields us from the terrors of an uncertain future.
Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: Battling Egos
7 OctA bishop, a judge, and a conductor were discussing their careers, and got into an argument about which of them was the greatest.
The judge said, “When I step into the courtroom, everyone stands to pay me respect.”
The bishop said, “They stand? I have people kneel before me and kiss my ring.”
To which the conductor replied, “Ha! I got you both beat. When I step on the podium people look down, cover their eyes, and say ‘Oh my God!’
Classic Quotes by Chester Allen Arthur
5 OctClassic Quotes by Chester Allen Arthur
1830-1886)
US President (21st), VP (20th)
Men may die, but the fabrics of free institutions remains unshaken.
I may be president of the United States, but my private life is nobody’s damned business.
Since I came here I have learned that Chester A. Arthur is one man and the President of the United States is another.
I don’t think we had better go into the minute secrets of the campaign, so far as I know them, because I see the reporters are present, who are taking
it all down.
