SillyEz.com

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. 

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. 

Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. 

The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.” 

The General manager is setting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped and hit me!” 

The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!” 

The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his General manager all at the same time!”

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very 
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think 
before she speaks. 

True story…we had a female news anchor who, the day after it was 
supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked
“So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?”
Not only did she have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they 
were laughing so hard!

Diary Entries

AUG. 12   Moved to our new home in Ohio.  It is so beautiful here.  The
hills are so majestic.  I can hardly wait to see them with snow covering
them.  I love it here.

OCT. 14   Ohio is the most beautiful place on Earth.  The leaves are turned
all the colors and shades of red and orange.  Went for a ride through the
beautiful hills and saw some deer.  They are so graceful, certainly they
are the most wonderful animal on Earth.  This must be paradise.  I love it
here.

NOV. 11   Deer season will start soon.  I can’t imagine anyone wanting to
kill such a gorgeous creature.  Hope it will snow soon,  I love it here.

DEC. 2  It snowed last night.  Woke up to find everything blanketed in
white.  It looks like a postcard.  We went outside and cleaned the snow off
the steps and shoveled the driveway.  We had a snowball fight (I won), and
when the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again.  What a
beautiful place.  I love Ohio. 

DEC. 12  More snow last night.  I love it.  The snowplow did his trick
again to the driveway.  I love it here.

DEC. 19  More snow last night.  Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to
work.  I am exhausted from shoveling.  Fucking snowplow.

DEC. 22  More of that white shit fell last night.  I’ve got blisters on my
hands from shoveling.  I think the snowplow hides around the corner and
waits till I’m done shoveling.  Asshole.

DEC. 25  Merry Fucking Christmas!  More friggen snow.  If I ever get my
hands on that sonofabitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I’ll kill the
bastard.  Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt the
fucking ice.

DEC. 27  More of that White Shit last night.  Been inside for 3 days except
for shoveling out the driveway after that snowplow goes through every time.
Can’t go anywhere, cars stuck in a mountain of that White Shit.  The
weatherman says to expect another 10″ of the shit again tonight.  Do you
know how many shovels full 10″ of snow is?

DEC. 28  The fucking weatherman was Wrong.  We got 34″ of that white shit
this time.  At this rate it won’t melt before the middle of next summer. 
The snowplow got stuck up the road and that bastard came to the door and
asked to borrow my shovel.  After I told him I had broken six shovels
already shovelling the white shit he pushed into my driveway, I broke my
last one right over his Fuckin’ Head!

JAN. 4  Finally got out of the house today.  Went to the store to get food
and on the way back damned deer ran out in front of the car and I hit it. 
Did about $3000.00 worth of damage to the car.  Those fucking beasts should
be killed.  Wished the hunters had got them all last November.

MAY 3  Took the car to the garage in town.  Would you believe the
motherfucker is rusting out from all the goddamn salt they put on the
roads?

MAY 10  Moved to Florida.  I can’t imagine anyone in their right mind
wanting to live in the God-forsaken state of Ohio.

My sister and I spent two weeks in Paris. The locals 
obviously hated Americans — no matter where we went, we were subject to 
rude behavior from waiters, store clerks, pedestrians, etc. After a while 
it started to irritate us. 

One day, in Paris, my sister went shopping. She entered a store and 
started looking around. She was the only customer in the store. As she was 
looking through the clothes on the rack, a clerk hurriedly approached her 
and very abruptly asked if he could help her. 

My sister was used to this bad treatment by now and she politely declined 
his help. She continued to look at the clothes. Then she noticed that 
every clerk in the store was staring at her. 

Defiantly, she continued to look through the clothes. When she could take 
this treatment no longer, she turned on her heels, with her head held 
high, and left the shop. 

As she left, she noticed that the sign on the store read….”DryCleaners.”

Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel.
Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around
and duck inside. “Ah, will you look at that?” One ditch digger said.
“What’s our world comin’ to when men of th’ cloth are visitin’ such
places?”
A short time later, a Protestant minister walked up to the door and
quietly slipped inside. “Do you believe that?” The workman exclaimed.
“Why, ’tis no wonder th’ young people today are so confused, what with
the example clergymen set for them.”
After an hour went by, the men watched as a Catholic priest quickly
entered the whore house. “Ah, what a pity,” the digger said, leaning
on his shovel. “One of th’ poor lasses must be ill.”

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with a tiny ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The boy is wearing a fire fighter’s helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. “That sure is a nice fire truck,” the fire fighter says with admiration.

“Thanks,” says the little boy. As the fire fighter looks a little closer, he notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.

“Little partner,” the fire fighter says, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go faster.”

The little boy says, “You’re probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”

“Where they burn books, in the end they will also burn people.”
- Heinrich Heine

“Today is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today.”
- Ernest Hemingway

“Education would be so much more effective if its purpose were to ensure that by the time they leave school every boy and girl should know how much they don’t know, and be imbued with a lifelong desire to know it.”
- Sir William Haley

“Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”
- Margaret Mead

“However much I am at the mercy of the world I never let myself get lost by brooding over its misery. I hold firmly to the thought that each one of us can do a little to bring some portion of that misery to an end.”
- Albert Schweitzer

“The first panacea for a mismanaged nation is inflation of the currency; the second is war. Both bring a temporary prosperity; both bring a permanent ruin. But both are the refuge of political and economic opportunists.”
- Ernest Hemingway

“Happiness is a function of accepting what is.”
- Werner Erhard

“Accept the challenges so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory.”
- George S. Patton Jr.

“A critic is a man who knows the way but can’t drive the car.”
- Kenneth Tynan