SillyEz.com

My sister and I spent two weeks in Paris. The locals 
obviously hated Americans — no matter where we went, we were subject to 
rude behavior from waiters, store clerks, pedestrians, etc. After a while 
it started to irritate us. 

One day, in Paris, my sister went shopping. She entered a store and 
started looking around. She was the only customer in the store. As she was 
looking through the clothes on the rack, a clerk hurriedly approached her 
and very abruptly asked if he could help her. 

My sister was used to this bad treatment by now and she politely declined 
his help. She continued to look at the clothes. Then she noticed that 
every clerk in the store was staring at her. 

Defiantly, she continued to look through the clothes. When she could take 
this treatment no longer, she turned on her heels, with her head held 
high, and left the shop. 

As she left, she noticed that the sign on the store read….”DryCleaners.”

Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel.
Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around
and duck inside. “Ah, will you look at that?” One ditch digger said.
“What’s our world comin’ to when men of th’ cloth are visitin’ such
places?”
A short time later, a Protestant minister walked up to the door and
quietly slipped inside. “Do you believe that?” The workman exclaimed.
“Why, ’tis no wonder th’ young people today are so confused, what with
the example clergymen set for them.”
After an hour went by, the men watched as a Catholic priest quickly
entered the whore house. “Ah, what a pity,” the digger said, leaning
on his shovel. “One of th’ poor lasses must be ill.”

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with a tiny ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The boy is wearing a fire fighter’s helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. “That sure is a nice fire truck,” the fire fighter says with admiration.

“Thanks,” says the little boy. As the fire fighter looks a little closer, he notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.

“Little partner,” the fire fighter says, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go faster.”

The little boy says, “You’re probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”

“Where they burn books, in the end they will also burn people.”
- Heinrich Heine

“Today is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today.”
- Ernest Hemingway

“Education would be so much more effective if its purpose were to ensure that by the time they leave school every boy and girl should know how much they don’t know, and be imbued with a lifelong desire to know it.”
- Sir William Haley

“Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”
- Margaret Mead

“However much I am at the mercy of the world I never let myself get lost by brooding over its misery. I hold firmly to the thought that each one of us can do a little to bring some portion of that misery to an end.”
- Albert Schweitzer

“The first panacea for a mismanaged nation is inflation of the currency; the second is war. Both bring a temporary prosperity; both bring a permanent ruin. But both are the refuge of political and economic opportunists.”
- Ernest Hemingway

“Happiness is a function of accepting what is.”
- Werner Erhard

“Accept the challenges so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory.”
- George S. Patton Jr.

“A critic is a man who knows the way but can’t drive the car.”
- Kenneth Tynan

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 MPH. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”

One spelling mistake can ruin your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add “e” at the end of a word…

“I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her!”

When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. “Is that your grandmother?” I asked.

“Yes,” Chris said. “She’s come to visit us for Christmas.”

“How nice,” I said. “Where does she live?”

“At the airport,” Chris replied. “Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her.”