A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doctor, you’ve got to
do something about my husband — he thinks he’s a refrigerator!”
“I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” the doctor replies.
“Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.”
“But you don’t understand,” the woman insists. “He sleeps
with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake.”
As I was admitted the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying ” I’m going to give you a bracelet. “
” Has it got Rubies and Diamonds ? ” I ask coyly.
” No, ” he said. ” But it cost just as much. “
|
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Tim?”
“My goldfish died,” replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”
The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your stupid cat.”
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his
grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and
headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, “I’m
surprised at you. Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water
guns?”
Mom smiled and then replied…..”I remember.”
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What
setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, “University of Oklahoma.”
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her
paintings that were on display.
“Well, I have good news and bad news,” the owner responded. “The good news
is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate
in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of
your paintings.”
“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”
“The gentleman was your doctor.”
There were two cats that enjoyed running together.
The first cat was english, called One-two-three.
The other was french and called Un-deux-trois.
One day when they were running they came to a huge
river. The cats took a large run up and leapt as
far as they could. Which cat drowned?
Un-deux-trois cat sank
(un deux trois quatre cinq)
A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied…
“Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?”
