SillyEz.com

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say, “Supersex!” She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, “Supersex!” 

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, “I’ll take the soup.”

A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink….he notices that
at the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has ever
seen….he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must have
her….He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has any
Spanish-fly in the back….the bartender says he will check and comes
back a couple of minutes later with a small packet of white powder….he
says to the man…”this isn’t Spanish-fly, we are all out of that….but
this is just as good….this is Jewish-fly, and it is guaranteed to get
her over here within twenty minutes after she takes it!” so the man
forks over his $10 and asks the bartender to put the Jewish-fly into a
champagne cocktail and deliver it to the gorgeous creature with his
compliments…..

The woman drinks the champagne cocktail and looks at our hero rather
disinterestedly…..but about twenty minutes later she slinks off her
barstool….she saunters across the room toward our hero in a most
seductive manner….oozing sensuality….our hero is terrifically
excited….she reaches him and puts one lithe arm around his shoulders
and leans in close to his ear…he can feel her breath on his
neck….and she whispers “Hey big boy….want to go shopping?”

Two brothers, ages 6 and 8, decide they are old enough to start cursing. So
they plan to use dirty words the next morning at breakfast. The 8-year-old
says he’ll use the world HELL and tells the 6-year-old to use ASS.
Well, the next morning they head downstairs for breakfast. And when their
mother asks them what they want, the 8-year-old says, “Ah, Hell, I’ll have
some Fruit Loops.”
Shocked, the mother wheels around and backhands him on his
chair, sending him screaming back upstairs. She then turns to the 6-year-old
and says, “What are you going to have?” He replies, “I don’t know, but
you can bet your ass it ain’t gonna be Fruit Loops.”

35. Government worker 
34. Legally drunk 
33. Exact estimate 
32. Act naturally 
31. Found missing 
30. Resident alien 
29. Genuine imitation 
28. Airline food 
27. Good grief 
26. Government organization 
25. Sanitary landfill 
24. Alone together 
23. Small crowd 
22. Business ethics 
21. soft rock 
20. Butt head 
19. Military intelligence (No offense Steve) 
18. Sweet sorrow 
17. Rural metro (ambulance service) 
16. “Now, then…” 
15. Passive aggression 
14. Clearly misunderstood 
13. Peace force 
12. Extinct life 
11. Plastic glasses 
10. Terribly pleased 
9. Computer security 
8. Political science 
7. Tight slacks 
6. Definite maybe 
5. Pretty ugly 
4. Rap music 
3. Working vacation 
2. Religious tolerance 
……and the number one top Oxymoron….. 
1. Microsoft Works

Alex was pulled over for speeding down the highway; the officer came to the drivers window and said, “Sir, may I see your drivers license
and registration?” Alex said, “Well officer I don’t have a license, it was taken away for a DUI.”

The officer, in surprise, said,” What, do you have a registration for the vehicle?” So Alex replied, “No sir, the car is not mine I stole it, but I am pretty sure I say a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it.”

The officer stepped back, “There is a gun in the glove box?!?” The man sighed and said, “Yes sir, I used to kill the woman who owns the car before I stuffed her in the trunk.”

The officer steps toward the back of the car and says,” Sir do not move, I am calling for backup.”

The officer calls for backup and about ten minutes another highway patrolman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his drivers license
and registration.

Alex said,” Yes officer here it right here.” It all checked out so the officer said,” Is there a gun in the glove box sir?”

Alex laughs and says,” No officer why would there be a gun in the glove box.” He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun.

The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it. Alex agrees and opens the trunk, no dead body.

The second officer says, “Sir I do not understand, the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk.”

Alex looks the officer in the eyes and says, “Yeah and I’ll bet he said I was speeding too.” 

An 8-year-old girl asks her father, “Daddy,
what is sex?” The father is somewhat
surprised that she would ask such a
question. But, he reckons if she’s old
enough to ask the question, then surely
she’s old enough for a straight answer.
So, the father proceeds to tell his young
daughter all about the “birds and the bees.”

After a brief explanation, the little girl
appears wide-eyed in disbelief. “By the way,
dear, why do you ask?” the father asks. 

The little girl replies, “Mommy told me to tell
you that dinner would be ready in just a
couple of secs.”

A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic
water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes
on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of
fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and
experience the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and
cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of
bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered
corn.

I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.

A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic
water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes
on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of
fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and
experience the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and
cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of
bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered
corn.

I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.