SillyEz.com

It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was
establishing the fact that she’d take no nonsense from the kiddies this
year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy, “My name is Johnny
Fuckhauer”. So she said “There’ll be none of that kind of thing this year,
Johnny; tell me your REAL name!”. The kid said “No, really teacher, it IS
Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my
brother if you don’t believe me!” Not wanting to be subjected to that kind
of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade
classroom door. The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the
front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the
class, “Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?” “Hell no!” replied a little kid
from the front row, “We don’t even get a cookie break!”

Classic Quotes by Sarah Orne Jewett

1849-1909

US writer

It does seem so pleasant to talk with an old acquaintance who knows what you know. I see so many new folks nowadays who seem to have neither past nor future.
Conversation has got to have some root in the past, or else you have got to explain every remark you make, and it wears a person out.

Tact is after all a kind of mind reading.

The thing that teases the mind over and over for years, and at last gets itself put down rightly on paper – whether little or great, it belongs to Literature.

When I was as you are now, towering in the confidence of twenty-one, little did I suspect that I should be at forty-nine, what I now am.

Yes’m, old friends is always best, ‘less you can catch a new one that’s fit to make an old one out of.
 

Those born on this date include:

• Teacher Prudence Crandall, controversial for her efforts to educate black girls, in 1803
• Architect Louis Sullivan, called the father of the skyscraper, in 1856
• Automobile designer Ferdinand Porsche in 1875
• Actor Alan Ladd in 1913
• Actor/singer Kitty Carlisle in 1910
• Cartoonist Mort Walker ( Beetle Bailey ) in 1923 (age 87)
• Albert DeSalvo, known as the Boston Strangler, in 1931
• Musician Al Jardine of the Beach Boys in 1942 (age 68)
• Actor Anne Jackson in 1926 (age 84)
• Actor Eileen Brennan in 1932 (age 78)
• Actor Pauline Collins in 1940 (age 70)
• Actor Valerie Perrine in 1943 (age 67)
• Actor Charlie Sheen in 1965 (age 45)
• Olympic gold medalist snowboarder Shaun White in 1986 (age 24)

In 1777, the U.S. flag was flown in battle for the first time, during a Revolutionary War skirmish at Cooch’s Bridge, Del.

In 1783, the Treaty of Paris was signed, officially ending the 7-year American Revolutionary War and recognizing U.S. independence from Britain.

In 1916, the Allies turned back the Germans in the World War I Battle of Verdun.

In 1936, Britain’s Malcolm Campbell set a land-speed record on the Bonneville Salt Flats of Utah, averaging 301.129 mph in two runs.

In 1939, Britain declared war on Germany. Britain was quickly joined by France, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa and Canada.

In 1942, Frank Sinatra began his solo singing career after leaving Tommy Dorsey’s orchestra.

In 1976, the Viking 2 took the first close-up, color photographs of Mars.

In 1991, film director Frank Capra, best known for such feel-good movies as “It Happened One Night” and “It’s A Wonderful Life,” died at the age of 94.

In 1992, an Italian plane carrying eight people and nearly 10,000 pounds of blankets for Bosnian war victims crashed en route to Sarajevo. Evidence suggested
it was shot down.

Also in 1992, Nobel laureate geneticist Barbara McClintock died at 90.

In 1996, the United States fired 27 missiles in Iraq, hitting air defense batteries. Despite criticism from Arab allies and European allies, the United
States fired 17 more missiles the next day.

In 1997, Arizona Gov. Fife Symington was convicted of fraud by a federal jury in Phoenix and resigned two days later, becoming the third U.S. governor
in recent years to quit because of a criminal conviction.

In 2001, the United States and Israel walked out of the U.N. conference on racism in Durban, South Africa.

In 2004, the 3-day Russian school crisis ended in a bloody 13-hour battle when security forces stormed the Beslan school building after Chechen terrorists
opened fire on hostages. At least 350 people, including about 155 children, were reported killed. All but one of the 31 suspected hostage-takers also died.

In 2005, William H. Rehnquist, the chief justice of the United States, died after a long bout with thyroid cancer at the age of 80. He had been on the
court since 1971.

In 2006, the Sudanese government launched a fresh offensive in Darfur, once again violating the U.N. resolution demanding an end to the conflict.

In 2007, U.S. President George W. Bush, in a third visit to Iraq, said some American troops could be withdrawn from the country if security improves.

Also in 2007, Arab tribes in Sudan’s western Darfur region were reported fighting among themselves instead of against government-backed militias.

In 2008, Sen. John McCain of Arizona was officially nominated as the Republican presidential candidate at the national GOP convention in St. Paul, Minn.
Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin was nominated for vice president, the first Republican woman candidate for such a high office.

Also in 2008, in what was reported to be their first acknowledged ground attack on Pakistani soil, U.S. military forces raided a village near the Afghanistan
border said to be home to al-Qaida militants.

In 2009, authorities reported evidence indicating that the largest brushfire in Los Angeles County history had been deliberately set. Two firefighters
were killed and close to 150,000 acres were scorched in the $43.5 million blaze.

Also in 2009, the United States said it had cut off all non-humanitarian aid to Honduras to try to pressure the de facto government into reinstating ousted
President Manuel Zelaya.

A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration.

His father picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the phone is answered, he asks, “Can I speak to Alf, please?”

“No! There’s no one called Alf here,” says the person who answered the phone.

His father hangs up. “That’s irritation,” he says.

He picks up the phone again, dials the same number, and asks for Alf a second time. “No-there’s no one here called Alf. Go away. If you call again I shall
telephone the police,” the person says.

His father hangs up and says, “That’s aggravation.”

“Then what’s frustration?” asks his son. The father picks up the phone and dials the same number a third time.

“Hello, this is Alf. Have I received any phone calls?” he asks casually.

Classic Quotes by Henry George

1839-1897

US economist

What has destroyed every previous civilization has been the tendency to the unequal distribution of wealth and power

He who sees the truth, let him proclaim it, without asking who is for it or who is against it.

That which is unjust can really profit no one; that which is just can really harm no one.

Let no man imagine that he has no influence. Whoever he may be, and wherever he may be placed, the man who thinks becomes a light and a power.

How can a man be said to have a country when he has not right of a square inch of it

Compare society to a boat. Her progress through the water will not depend upon the exertion of her crew, but upon the exertion devoted to propelling her.
This will be lessened by any expenditure of force in fighting among themselves, or in pulling in different directions.

Poorly paid labor is inefficient labor, the world over.

How vainly shall we endeavor to repress crime by our barbarous punishment of the poorer class of criminals so long as children are reared in the brutalizing
influences of poverty, so long as the bite of want drives men to crime.
 

Those born on this date include:

• Poet Eugene Field in 1850
• American inventor Hiram Maxim, who invented the first portable automatic machine gun, in 1869
• Basketball Hall of Fame Coach Adolph Rupp in 1901
• Authors Cleveland Amory in 1917 and Allen Drury in 1918
• Dancer Marge Champion in 1919 (age 91)
• Basketball Hall of Fame member John Thompson Jr. in 1941 (age 69)
• Christa McAuliffe, the school teacher who became an astronaut and died when the space shuttle Challenger exploded shortly after liftoff in 1986 in 1948
• Basketball Hall of Fame member Nate Archibald (age 62) in 1948
• Football Hall of Fame member and sportscaster Terry Bradshaw in 1948 (age 62)
• Actor Mark Harmon in 1951 (age 59)
• Tennis Hall of Fame member Jimmy Connors in 1952 (age 58)
• Football Hall of Fame member Eric Dickerson in 1960 (age 50)
• Actor Keanu Reeves in 1964 (age 46)
• Actor Salma Hayek in 1966 (age 44)

In 1666, the Great Fire of London began. It destroyed 13,000 houses in four days.

In 1935, a hurricane hit the Florida Keys, killing more than 350 people.

In 1945, Japan signed an unconditional surrender aboard the U.S. battleship Missouri in Tokyo Bay, formally ending World War II.

In 1983, Moscow admitted to the Sept. 1 shooting down of a Korean Air Lines Boeing 747, killing all 269 people aboard, but said the jumbo jet intentionally
intruded into Soviet air space.

In 1991, the European Community-approved plan to end the civil war in Yugoslavia was accepted by the Yugoslav federal presidency. But federal forces renewed
their offensive against Croatia.

In 1992, more than 100 people were killed when earthquake-spawned tidal waves swept Pacific coast villages in Nicaragua.

In 1997, the Dow Jones industrial average rose 257.36 points for its largest one-day point gain, closing at 7,879.

In 1998, a Swissair jetliner en route from New York to Geneva, Switzerland, crashed off the coast of Nova Scotia, Canada. All 229 people aboard were killed.

In 1999, the Clintons bought a house in the New York suburb of Chappaqua for $1.7 million, establishing residency for first lady Hillary Clinton, who was
planning a run for the U.S. Senate.

In 2004, U.S. President George W. Bush accepted the GOP nomination for re-election, promising to build a “safer world and a more hopeful America.”

In 2005, the European Commission called for uniform rules for deporting illegal immigrants and refugees who are denied asylum in member countries.

In 2006, Canadian troops under NATO control and Afghan forces launched an offensive in southern Afghanistan’s Kandahar Province amid evidence of renewed
Taliban influence.

In 2007, the death toll from flooding in Bihar, India, rose to 556 but all major rivers were reported to be receding.

Also in 2007, the Lebanese army defeated Palestinian Islamic militants based at a refugee camp in northern Lebanon, climaxing a 3-month siege that killed
more than 400 people.

In 2008, Thai leaders in Bangkok declared a state of emergency when government protests grew violent. For more than a week, thousands of protesters have
clashed over efforts to force the resignation of Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej.

In 2009, an estimated 60 people were killed and about that many were reported missing when an earthquake, measuring 7.1 on the Richter scale, rattled the
heavily populated Indonesian island of Java.

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.

His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table,
and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.

He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading
a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”

She again smiled and answered, “You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?”

“Yes,” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”