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Daily Jokes And More

Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: Doctor?

An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then-four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope
on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

“Be still, my heart,” thought my friend, “my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!” Then the child spoke into the instrument: “Welcome to McDonald’s.
May I take your order?”

March 12, 2010 Posted by Ezzy | Jokes | | No Comments Yet

Una Noche

Un recién casado se va con los amigotes de copas. El hombre le promete a su mujer que estará de regreso antes de la medianoche pero, la fiesta se extiende,
y le dan las tres de la madrugada.Llega su casa y justo en ese momento, el reloj da tres campanadas y él temiendo que su mujer se despierte, imita las
campanadas “dang, dang…” nueve veces más para que piense que son las doce de la noche.
A la mañana siguiente la mujer le pregunta a que hora llegó. El le responde: A medianoche, mi amor.
Oye Pepe, creo que vamos a tener que comprar otro reloj.
¿Por qué ?, pregunta él .
Si, es que este debe estar roto.
Pero si da la hora perfectamente, contesta él.
Entonces ella le dice: ¡Anoche, dio tres campanadas, hizo una pausa, dio otras cuatro campanadas, se puso a vomitar, dio tres campanadas más, se tiró un
peo, dio las dos últimas y se cago de la risa !

March 11, 2010 Posted by Ezzy | Jokes | | No Comments Yet

Classic Quotes by Vannevar Bush

Classic Quotes by Vannevar Bush

1890-1974

American electrical engineer and physicist

A belief may be larger than a fact. A faith that is overdefined is the very faith most likely to prove inadequate to the great moments of life.

Fear cannot be banished, but it can be calm and without panic; it can be mitigated by reason and evaluation.

If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world. One
might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability.

Science has a simple faith, which transcends utility. It is the faith that it is the privilege of man to learn to understand, and that this is his mission.

The world has arrived at an age of cheap complex devices of great reliability, and something is bound to come of it.
  

March 11, 2010 Posted by Ezzy | Quotes | | No Comments Yet

Notable Birthdays for March 11

Those born on this date include:
- Silent movie star Dorothy Gish in 1898
- Bandleader Lawrence Welk in 1903
- Former British Prime Minister Harold Wilson in 1916
- Civil rights leader Ralph Abernathy in 1926
- Media mogul Rupert Murdoch in 1931 (age 79)
- Television newsman Sam Donaldson in 1934 (age 76)
- U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia in 1936 (age 74)
- Musician Bobby McFerrin in 1950 (age 60)
- Filmmaker Jerry Zucker ( Airplane!, the Naked Gun movies) in 1950 (age 60)
- Author Douglas Adams ( Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy ) in 1952
- Singer Lisa Loeb in 1968 (age 42)
- Actress Alex Kingston in 1963 (age 47)
- Actress Thora Birch in 1982 (age 28)

March 11, 2010 Posted by Ezzy | History | | No Comments Yet

This Day In History: March 11

In 1824, the U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian Affairs.

In 1845, John Chapman, better known as Johnny Appleseed, died in Allen County, Ind.

In 1861, In Montgomery, Ala., delegates from South Carolina, Mississippi, Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana and Texas adopted the Permanent Constitution
of the Confederate States of America.

In 1888, more than 200 people died as a four-day snowstorm crippled New York City.

In 1918, the first cases of “Spanish” influenza were reported in the United States. By 1920, the virus had killed as many as 22 million people worldwide,
500,000 in the United States.

In 1930, William Howard Taft became the first former U.S. president to be buried in the national cemetery at Arlington, Va.

In 1941, the Lend Lease Bill to help Britain survive attacks by Germany was passed by the U.S. Congress and signed into law by U.S. President Franklin
D. Roosevelt.

In 1942, after struggling against great odds to save the Philippines from Japanese conquest, U.S. Army Gen. Douglas MacArthur abandoned the island fortress
of Corregidor under orders from U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, leaving behind 90,000 U.S. and Filipino troops.

In 1985, Mikhail Gorbachev, 54, succeeded Konstantin Chernenko as leader of the Soviet Union.

In 1990, the Lithuanian Parliament declared the Baltic republic free of the Soviet Union and called for negotiations to make secession a reality.

Also in 1990, Gen. Augusto Pinochet stepped down as president of Chile, making way for an elected civilian leader for first time since the 1973 coup.

In 1993, Janet Reno won unanimous U.S. Senate approval to become the first female U.S. attorney general.

In 2001, one of the worst weeks in Wall Street history began with a 436.37-point — 4.1 percent — decline in the Dow Jones industrial average. By week’s
end, all the major indexes were down 6 percent.

In 2003, published reports said a six-man Arab ministerial committee planned to travel to Baghdad to ask Iraqi President Saddam Hussein to step down and
go into exile.

In 2004, 10 bombs exploded almost simultaneously on four commuter trains in Madrid, Spain, killing 191 people and injuring 1,400.

In 2005, an accused rapist allegedly grabbed a gun from a sheriff’s deputy in an eighth-floor Atlanta courtroom and killed a judge, a court reporter and
a deputy. A federal agent died as the suspect, Brian Nichols, made his escape. Nichols surrendered the next day after holding a woman hostage overnight.

In 2006, Slobodan Milosevic, former president of Yugoslavia on trial for war crimes, was found dead in his cell at The Hague, an apparent heart attack
victim.

Also in 2006, more than 100,000 immigrants and supporters rallied in Chicago in opposition to a federal bill that would put a fence at Mexico’s border.

And, in France, proposed labor reform legislation sparked student riots across the nation.

In 2007, French President Jacques Chirac announced his retirement after more than 40 years in politics.

In 2008, the Federal Reserve outlined a $200 billion program that lets the biggest U.S. banks borrow Treasury securities at discount rates in an effort
to avert a financial crisis.

In 2009, French President Nicolas Sarkozy announced that France, a founding member of NATO, would rejoin the alliance’s military command structure after
half a century.

March 11, 2010 Posted by Ezzy | History | | No Comments Yet

Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: Some Ways To Spend the #250 mMillion Powerball Jackpot

Some ways to spend the $250 Million Ppowerball Jackpot:

– A twinkie for everyone in the country.

– Develop and market an action-figure doll of yourself.

– Get yourself one a’ them “Pentagon quality” toilet bowls.

– Pay for a top-notch therapist to deal with the feeling that, compared to Bill Gates, you’re still not rich.

– At long last: a home-slurpee machine of your VERY OWN!

– Four words: Prank call to Antarctica.

– Goodbye aluminum siding: Hello golden siding.

– Get it all in pennies and ride the horse in front of K-mart, FOREVER!

March 11, 2010 Posted by Ezzy | Jokes | | No Comments Yet

Classic Quotes by Clare Boothe Luce

Classic Quotes by Clare Boothe Luce

1903-1987

American Playwright and Diplomat

A man’s home may seem to be his castle on the outside; inside is more often his nursery.

A woman’s best protection is a little money of her own.

Advertising has done more to cause the social unrest of the 20th century than any other single factor.

In the final analysis there is no other solution to man’s progress but the day’s honest work, the day’s honest decision, the day’s generous utterances, and the day’s good deed.

March 10, 2010 Posted by Ezzy | General | | No Comments Yet

Notable Birthdays for March 10

Those born on this date include:
- Italian scientist Marcello Malpighi in 1628
- Actor Barry Fitzgerald in 1888
- French composer Arthur Honegger in 1892
- Jazz cornetist Bix Beiderbecke in 1903
- Poet Margaret Fishback in 1900
- Assassin James Earl Ray in 1928
- Playwright David Rabe in 1940 (age 70)
- Actor Chuck Norris in 1940 (age 70)
- College basketball coach Jim Valvano in 1946
- Kim Campbell, the first woman prime minister of Canada in 1947 (age 63)
- Journalist Bob Greene in 1947 (age 63)
- Al-Qaida leader Osama bin Laden in 1957 (age 53)
- Actress Sharon Stone in 1958 (age 52)
- Actress Jasmine Guy in 1964 (age 46)
- Olympic gold medal gymnast Mitch Gaylord in 1961 (age 49)
- Olympic gold medal gymnast Shannon Miller in 1977 (age 33)
- Britain’s Prince Edward in 1964 (age 45)
- Rapper Timbaland in 1971 (age 39)
- Country singer Carrie Underwood in 1983 (age 27)

March 10, 2010 Posted by Ezzy | History | | No Comments Yet

This Day In History: March 10

In 515 B.C., the rebuilding of the great Jewish temple in Jerusalem was completed.

In 1862, the U.S. Treasury issued the first American paper money, in denominations from $5 to $1,000.

In 1876, Alexander Graham Bell transmitted the first telephone message to his assistant in the next room: “Mr. Watson, come here. I want you.”

In 1880, the Salvation Army of the United States was founded in New York City.

In 1945, 300 U.S. bombers dropped almost 2,000 tons of incendiaries on Tokyo, destroying large portions of the Japanese capital and killing 100,000 people.

In 1969, James Earl Ray pleaded guilty to the assassination of civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. and was sentenced to 99 years in prison.

In 1977, astronomers discovered rings around Uranus.

In 1987, the Vatican condemned human artificial fertilization or generation of human life outside the womb and said all reproduction must result from the “act of conjugal love.”

In 1992, U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Democratic challenger Bill Clinton got sweeping Southern victories in the Super Tuesday primaries.

In 1993, FBI agents arrested a third person, a 25-year-old Kuwaiti-born chemical engineer, in connection with the World Trade Center bombing.

Also in 1993, an anti-abortion rights demonstrator fatally shot a doctor at a Pensacola, Fla., clinic.

In 1994, the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported the number of new AIDS cases in the United States had more than doubled in 1993.

In 1997, The Citadel announced that 10 male cadets had been disciplined for mistreating two female cadets. The women later resigned from the South Carolina military academy.

In 1998, Indonesian President Suharto was elected to a seventh term.

In 2003, The Palestinian Legislative Council created the position of prime minister but peace talks with Israel continued under the command of Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat.

Also in 2003, Ivory Coast, torn by civil war for six months, got a new premier, Seydou Diarra, under a French-brokered peace accord.

2004, Lee Boyd Malvo, 19, was sentenced to life in prison without parole for his role in the 10 Washington-area sniper killings in 2002. His partner, John Allen Muhammad, considered the mastermind, was sentenced to death one day earlier.

In 2005, former U.S. President Bill Clinton underwent surgery to remove scar tissue and fluid from his chest. He had quadruple bypass surgery five months earlier.

Also in 2005, a suicide bomber killed at least 30 people and injured 27 at a funeral procession in the northern Iraqi city of Mosul.

In 2006, the body of Tom Fox, a kidnapped U.S. Christian peace activist, was found near Baghdad, authorities report. Three others kidnapped with Fox were reported released.

Also in 2006, amid broad U.S. opposition, Dubai Ports World bowed out of an agreement to manage six U.S. ports on the Atlantic and Gulf of Mexico coasts. The matter would be turned over to a U.S. company, officials said.

In 2007, captured terrorist Khalid Sheik Mohammed, long suspected of masterminding the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks on the United States, confessed to planning them and said he played a role in about 30 other attacks and plots.

Also in 2007, a federal court threw out a District of Columbia ban on keeping handguns in private homes as unconstitutional.

In 2008, New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, a former crusading state attorney general against white collar crime, was pressured to resign after being implicated in a high-priced prostitution ring.

Also in 2008, some 400 Buddhist monks took part in a protest march in Lhasa, the capital of Tibet, to mark the failed uprising of 1959 that resulted in the Dalai Lama fleeing to India. As Chinese forces moved in, what had been a peaceful gathering turned violent.

In 2009, a rural Alabama man, identified as Michael McLendon, erupted on a shooting spree, killing at least 10 people, including his parents and several other family members before killing himself.

March 10, 2010 Posted by Ezzy | History | | No Comments Yet