Archive | April, 2010

El Sorrillo

30 Apr

Iba un zorrillo por el bosque, caminaba tranquilo, cuando de repente un cazador de pieles le sale al encuentro dispuesto a cazarlo para vender su piel.
El zorrillo asustado se desmaya, pero en eso aparece el héroe de la televisión, El Zorro; este combate contra el cazador el que termina huyendo.
Como es típico del Zorro, deja marcado en un árbol la letra Z y se va. Cuando el zorrillo vuelve en si, ve la z, mira al cielo y dice:
¡Gracias, Zuperman!#

Saving One Life At A Time

30 Apr

A Message From Rex Barker

Saving One Life At A Time

An old man was walking along the beach, when he came upon a part of the sand where thousands of starfish had washed ashore.

A little further down the beach he saw a young woman, who was picking up the starfish one at a time and tossing them back into the ocean.

“Oh you silly girl,” he exclaimed. “You can’t possibly save all of these starfish. There’s too many.”

The woman smiled and said, “I know. But I can save this one, ” and she tossed another into the ocean, “and this one”, toss, “and this one…”

This is Rex Barker reminding that our sages teach us that Saving One Life is equivalent to saving the world. Each act of caring, each act of kindness is
critical. Never stop from doing what you know to be the “right thing because you think you cant make a difference. Because in effect, you are.

La Suegra

30 Apr

El médico se dirige a un tipo que estaba en la sala de espera:

“Señor, le tengo una mala noticia: su madre, la que ayer se encontraba internada, ha…”

“No, esa no era mi madre, era mi suegra”.

“¡Ah, entonces le tengo una buena noticia!”

Classic Quotes By Catherine the Great

30 Apr

Classic Quotes by Catherine the Great

1729-1796

Czarina of Russia

For to tempt and to be tempted are things very nearly allied… whenever feeling has anything to do in the matter, no sooner is it excited than we have
already gone vastly farther than we are aware of.

I praise loudly. I blame softly.

I shall be an autocrat, that’s my trade; and the good Lord will forgive me, that’s his.

I am one of the people who love the why of things

If Russians knew how to read, they would write me off
  

Notable Birthdays For April 30

30 Apr

Those born on this date include:
- German mathematician Carl Friedrich Gauss in 1777
- Hungarian composer Franz Lehar, who wrote the operetta The Merry Widow, in 1870
- Actress Eve Arden in 1908
- Actress Cloris Leachman in 1926 (age 84)
- Singer Johnny Horton in 1925
- Singer Willie Nelson in 1933 (age 77)
- Actor Gary Collins in 1938 (age 72)
- Actress Jill Clayburgh in 1944 (age 66)
- Sweden’s King Carl Gustav XVI in 1946 (age 64)
- Olympic champion swimmer Don Schollander, American swimmer in 1946 (age 64)
- Actor Perry King in 1948 (age 62)
- Film director Jane Campion ( The Piano ) in 1954 (age 56)
- Basketball Hall of Fame member Isiah Thomas in 1961 (age 49)
- Singer Akon in 1973 (age 37)
- Actress Kirsten Dunst in 1982 (age 28)

This Day In History: April 30

30 Apr

In 1492, Christopher Columbus was granted a commission for exploration by Spain.

In 1789, George Washington was inaugurated as the first president of the United States.

In 1803, the United States more than doubled its land area with the Louisiana Purchase. It obtained all French territory west of the Mississippi River
for $15 million.

In 1812, Louisiana entered the union as the 18th U.S. state.

In 1927, Douglas Fairbanks and Mary Pickford became the first to leave their footprints in concrete at Grauman’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood.

In 1939, Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S. president to appear on television when he was televised on opening day at the New York World’s Fair.

In 1945, the burned body of Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler was found in a bunker in the ruins of Berlin. Also that day, Soviet troops captured the Reichstag
building in Berlin.

In 1948, 21 nations of the Western hemisphere formed the Organization of American States.

In 1967, Muhammad Ali was stripped of his world heavyweight boxing championship title when he refused to be drafted into the military.

In 1970, U.S. President Richard Nixon announced he was sending U.S. troops into Cambodia to destroy the “sanctuaries” from which communist forces from
North Vietnam were sending men and material into South Vietnam.

In 1975, South Vietnam unconditionally surrendered to North Vietnam. The communists occupied Saigon and renamed it Ho Chi Minh City.

In 1990, U.S. educator Frank Reed was freed after a 3 1/2-year ordeal as hostage of extremists in Lebanon, becoming the second abducted American freed
in Beirut in just more than a week.

Also in 1991, political talks between Roman Catholic nationalists and Protestant unionists in Northern Ireland opened. They were the first such discussions
in 15 years.

And in 1991, Taiwanese President Lee Teng-hui ended 43 years of emergency rule, authorized elections and renounced the use of force to reunify China.

In 1993, Monica Seles, the world’s No. 1 women’s tennis player, was stabbed in the back by a self-described fan of No. 2-ranked Steffi Graf during a match
in Germany.

In 1995, U.S. President Bill Clinton announced the suspension of all U.S. trade with Iran to protest funding of terrorism.

In 1998, a grand jury indicted Webster Hubbell and his wife on tax evasion charges, Hubbell, a close friend and associate of U.S. President Bill Clinton,
accused Whitewater independent counsel Kenneth Starr of having him indicted so he would lie about the president.

Also in 1998, the U.S. Senate approved the applications of the Czech Republic, Hungary and Poland to join NATO.

In 2002, the United States sent 1,000 more troops to eastern Afghanistan along the Pakistan border in an effort to prevent Taliban and al-Qaida forces
from regrouping.

In 2003, Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon said his government wouldn’t support the proposed “road map” peace plan until Palestinians stopped anti-Israel
violence. But, he said he favored creation of a Palestinian state.

In 2004, the White House condemned alleged mistreatment of Iraqi prisoners by U.S. troops at Abu Ghraib prison in Baghdad as intolerable and “despicable.”

In 2005, the bodies of 113 people, nearly all women and children, were found in a mass grave in southern Iraq.

Also in 2005, Jennifer Wilbanks, a Georgia woman who attracted national attention when she vanished days before her wedding, turned up in New Mexico, claiming
to have been abducted but later admitting she was a “runaway bride.”

In 2006, Israel’s Prime Minister-designate Ehud Olmert denounced the president of Iran as a psychopath in a newspaper interview and compared him to Adolf
Hitler.

Also in 2006, two rebel factions in Sudan rejected a peace agreement in the Darfur conflict. Officials estimate the bloody fighting had killed at least
180,000 and driven more than 2 million from their homes.

In 2007, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert was severely criticized by a government commission report for his leadership in the 2006 conflict with Hezbollah
in Lebanon.

In 2009, Chrysler filed for bankruptcy protection in a key move of a restructuring plan backed by the Obama administration. The U.S. automaker lost $16.8
billion in 2008.

Also in 2009, Netherlands Queen Beatrix and other members of the royal family escaped injury when a car apparently deliberately rammed into a crowd during
national holiday celebrations in Apeldorn.

Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: Avon Lady

30 Apr

An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly had
to fart.  She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air
with her deodorizer.
Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator.
He began to sniff.
The Avon lady asked, “Do you smell something?”
“Why, yes, I do,” he replied.
“What does it smell like?”
“Hmmm, I’m not sure, but it kind of smells like someone shit
in a pine tree.”

Classic Quotes By Mary Harris (Mother) Jones

29 Apr

Classic Quotes by Mary Harris (Mother) Jones

1830-1930

American labor agitator

I am not afraid of the pen, or the scaffold, or the sword. I will tell the truth wherever I please.

Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living.

My address is like my shoes. It travels with me. I abide where there is a fight against wrong.

The employment of children is doing more to fill prisons, insane asylums, almshouses, reformatories, slums, and gin shops than all the efforts of reformers
are doing to improve society.

I asked a man in prison once how he happened to be there and he said he had stolen a pair of shoes. I told him if he had stolen a railroad he would be
a United States Senator.

Sit down and read. Educate yourself for the coming conflicts.

No matter what the fight, don’t be ladylike! God almighty made women and the Rockefeller gang of thieves made the ladies.
  

Don’t Forget To Cancel Your Credit Cards Before You Die!

29 Apr

A woman had died in January, but her bank had billed her for their annual service charges for February and March on her credit card, and then added late
fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 but was now around $60.00. A family member placed a call to the bank

Family Member: “I am calling to tell you that she died in January.”

Bank: “The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”

Family Member: “Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.”

Bank: “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she’s dead?”

Bank: “Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!”

Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her?”

Bank: “Excuse me?”

Family Member: “Did you just get what I was telling you, the part about her being dead?”

Bank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.”

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you, she died in January.”

Bank: “The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”

Family Member: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?”

Bank: (Stammer) “Are you her lawyer?”

Family Member: “No, I’m her great nephew.” (Lawyer info given)

Bank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”

Family Member: “Sure.” (fax number is given)

After they get the fax:

Bank: “Our system just isn’t set-up for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”

Family Member: “Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don’t think she will care.”

Bank: “Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.”

Family Member: “Would you like her new billing address?”

Bank: “That might help.”

Family Member: “Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.”

Bank: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!”

Family Member: “What do you do with dead people on your planet?”

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