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Classic Quotes by Jack Kerouac

12 Mar

Classic Quotes by Jack Kerouac

1922-1969

American Writer

All our best men are laughed at in this nightmare land.

Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion.

If moderation is a fault, then indifference is a crime.

It is not my fault that certain so-called bohemian elements have found in my writings something to hang their peculiar beatnik theories on.

“Now you understand the Oriental passion for tea,” said Japhy. “Remember that book I told you about the first sip is joy, the second is gladness, the third
is serenity, the fourth is madness, the fifth is ecstasy.”

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to talk, mad to live, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones
who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding.

Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?
  

Quotes That Make You Think: Star Wars

12 Mar

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
- Yoda

Always two there are, a master and an apprentice.
- Yoda

Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is.
- Yoda

In my experience, there’s no such thing as luck.
- Obi-Wan Kenobi

You can’t stop change any more than you can stop the suns from setting.
- Shmi Skywalker

Now, be brave, and don’t look back.
- Shmi Skywalker

Size matters not! Judge me by my size, do you?
- Yoda

Ohhh! Great warrior! Wars not make one great!
- Yoda

I will not fight you, Father.
- Luke

I happen to like nice men.
Leia

You could use a good kiss!
- Han Solo

I cannot teach him. The boy has no patience.
- Yoda

I won’t fail you–I’m not afraid.
- Luke

Sometimes I just don’t understand human behavior.
- C-3PO

Notable Birthdays for March 12

12 Mar

Those born on this date include:
- Pioneer automaker Clement Studebaker in 1831
- New York Times publisher Adolph Ochs in 1858
- Actor/singer Gordon MacRae in 1921
- Novelist Jack Kerouac in 1922
- Astronaut Wally Schirra in 1923
- Playwright Edward Albee in 1928 (age 82)
- Former U.N. Ambassador and Atlanta Mayor Andrew Young in 1932 (age 78)
- Singer/songwriter Al Jarreau in 1940 (age 70)
- Actress Barbara Feldon in 1933 (age 77)
- Singer Liza Minnelli in 1946 (age 64)
- Singer/songwriter James Taylor in 1948 (age 62)
- Former baseball player Darryl Strawberry in 1962 (age 48)
- Actor Aaron Eckhart in 1968 (age 42)
- Musician Pete Doherty in 1979 (age 31)

This Day In History: March 12

12 Mar

In 1912, Juliette Gordon Low organized the first Girl Scouts of America troop in Savannah, Ga.

In 1930, Mahatma Gandhi began a campaign of civil disobedience against British rule in India.

In 1933, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt made the first of his Sunday evening “fireside chats” — informal radio addresses from the White House to
the American people.

In 1938, Nazi Germany invaded and occupied Austria.

In 1947, in a speech to Congress, U.S. President Harry Truman outlined what became known as the Truman Doctrine, calling for U.S. aid to countries threatened
by communist revolution.

In 1963, the U.S. House of Representatives voted to grant former British Prime Minister Winston Churchill honorary U.S. citizenship.

In 1990, Exxon pleaded guilty to criminal charges and agreed to pay a $100 million fine in a $1.1 billion settlement of the Exxon Valdez oil spill.

Also in 1990, South African President F.W. de Klerk introduced legislation to revise land tenure laws and end racial discrimination in land ownership.

In 1993, more than 250 people were killed when a wave of bombings rocked Mumbai.

In 1994, the Church of England ordained its first women priests.

In 1999, former Soviet allies the Czech Republic, Hungary and Poland joined NATO.

In 2000, Pope John Paul II apologized for the errors of the Roman Catholic Church during the past 2,000 years.

In 2001, six people, including five Americans, were killed when an errant bomb from a U.S. Navy fighter jet exploded at an observation post in Kuwait.

In 2002, U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan, speaking after Israeli raids killed 31 Palestinians, declared that Israel must end its “illegal occupation”
of Palestinian land. That night, the U.N. Security Council passed a resolution demanding an immediate cease-fire.

And in 2002, the Boston archdiocese said it would have to sell church property, take out loans and seek donations from wealthy supporters to cover the
$100 million in settlements of lawsuits against priests in sexual abuse cases.

In 2003, Elizabeth Smart, 15, who had been kidnapped from her Salt Lake City home on June 2002, was found alive in the custody of a panhandler and his
wife in nearby Sandy, Utah.

Also in 2003, the premier of Serbia, Zoran Djindjic, died after being shot by assassins.

In 2004, millions of Spaniards protested the Madrid train bombings of the day before that killed 191 and wounded more than 1,000 others.

In 2005, Iran rejected Washington’s willingness to offer economic incentives if the Islamic state gives up its nuclear program.

Also in 2005, a gunman killed seven people and himself at an evangelical church meeting near Milwaukee.

In 2006, Iraq violence claimed at least 70 lives, including nearly 50 who died in six car bombings in Baghdad’s major Shiite stronghold. Hundreds were
wounded.

In 2008, New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer resigned after being caught up in a high-priced prostitution scandal. He was succeeded by Lt. Gov. David Paterson,
New York’s first African-American (and legally blind) governor.

In 2009, a 17-year-old youth, who felt “no one recognized my potential,” killed 17 people at his former school in Winnenden, Germany, including nine students.
The alleged shooter died in a police gun battle.

The Best of Late Night

12 Mar

“President Obama has signed a bill to increase tourism to the United States. Tourism is way down, which is surprising. You’d think people from foreign countries
would want to come here to see where their American jobs originated.” Jay Leno

“Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad now says that 9/11, the attacks on the United States on 9/11, were fabricated. Like his re-election.” David Letterman

“He says the whole thing was an elaborate hoax. I’m skeptical. I think I’ll wait to see what Kim Jong-il says.” David Letterman

“Rush Limbaugh says if the healthcare bill passes, he will leave the country. The Democrats are upset, because if they knew that, they would have passed
the bill years ago.” Craig Ferguson

“Toyota says they’re standing beside their vehicles because that’s the only safe place to stand.” Jimmy Kimmel

“On ‘The Early Show’ tomorrow morning, Harry Smith will receive the first live TV colonoscopy. CBS is very excited; they’re already planning the spinoff
show, ‘How I Met Your Rectum.’” Craig Ferguson

“Record ratings for the Oscars last night. Kathryn Bigelow won best director for her film about the Iraq war. But in her speech, she forgot to thank the
two people without whom this film could never have been made Bush and Cheney.” Jay Leno

“John McCain does not watch the Academy Awards. And you know why? Well, he doesn’t care for the talkies.” David Letterman

“George W. Bush is writing a book about his eight years in the White House. I can’t wait. I want to get it. I’m going to take it with me to the beach this
summer. And it will be good to hold down the blankets.” David Letterman

“President Obama’s been really busy, you guys. He’s making his final push on health care reform. Yesterday, Obama warned that insurance companies will
continue to drop people’s coverage when they need it. Or as iPhone users call that, ‘The AT&T option.’” Jimmy Fallon

Snow Job

12 Mar

One winter morning a husband and wife in Denver were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10
inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.”

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on
the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.”

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park….” Then
the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of
the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?”

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, “Why don’t you just leave it in the
garage this time?”

Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: Doctor?

12 Mar

An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then-four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope
on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

“Be still, my heart,” thought my friend, “my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!” Then the child spoke into the instrument: “Welcome to McDonald’s.
May I take your order?”

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