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Dr. Seuss’s Technical Manual

11 Jan

Dr. Seuss’s Technical Manual

What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Writing?

 Here’s an easy game to play.
 Here’s an easy thing to say:

 If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
 And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
 And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
 Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

 If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
 And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
 And your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash,
 Then your situation’s hopeless, and your system’s gonna crash!

 You can’t say this?
 What a shame sir!
 We’ll find you
 Another game sir.

 If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
 Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
 But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
 That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

 And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
 So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
 Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
 ’Cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!

 When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk,
 And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
 Then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM.
 Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

Retarded Grandparents

11 Jan

Retarded Grandparents

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
Ret

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to  Florida
 …Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.

They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don’t know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center, but they
must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but all they
do is jump up and down in it…with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it.  He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising
in their golf carts.

Nobody there cooks, they just eat out.  And, they eat the same thing every night — early birds. Some of the people can’t get out past the man in the doll
house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment,
I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

Looking Up To Heroes

11 Jan

When I was a boy I thought like a boy. I behaved like a boy. I understood like a boy. I was deeply impressed by heroes. Mostly, they were figures from the
sports world. There was Doak Walker, Charlie “Choo Choo” Justice, Sammy Baugh, Bob Waterfield, Felix “Doc” Blanchard, Johnny Lujack. I hoarded and traded
baseball cards.

As we grow older, our heroes change, but we don’t stop having them. Enter into my home today and it will not take long for you to see who my heroes are
now. You can’t miss the portraits of Martin Luther, Stonewall Jackson, and Robert E. Lee. You’ll see the fading photographs of my father and my grandfather.
You’ll see the works of Augustine, Thomas Aquinas, and Jonathan Edwards. You’ll hear me speak of John Gerstner. These names are readily apparent in my
office—though perhaps a bit incongruous next to the framed portrait of Arnold Palmer.

Strange, isn’t it? We need models. We need leaders who inspire us, real people of flesh and blood who embody character traits we admire, for in that admiration
and inspiration comes emulation. I know that I shall never be Martin Luther. God and all my golf teachers know I’ll never be Arnold Palmer. I cannot be
these men. But I can try to be like them. I can imitate their courage as I face life’s challenges. I can be strengthened by their examples.

Though the “cloud of witnesses” cited in Hebrews 11 is a list of heroes and heroines, they are, nevertheless, people of real flesh and blood whose lives
are set forth for us in sacred Scripture. Their portraits are painted there for us, warts and all. We even find something praiseworthy, something worth
emulating, in the life of the harlot, Rahab.

Let us never grow up so far that we can no longer look up.

Coram Deo: Living in the Presence of God

Who are your heroes? What positive examples do they provide for your spiritual life?

For Further Study

Hebrews 12:1-2:

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and
let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before
Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Psalm 123:1-2:

“Unto You I lift up my eyes, O You
who dwell in the heavens. Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their masters, as the eyes of a maid to the hand of her mistress, so our
eyes look to the Lord our God, until He has mercy on us.” 

Beautifully Done

11 Jan

I have no idea who put this together, but it’s wonderful!

Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot, 
Before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot. 
There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me, 
 
For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born, 
Where navels were for oranges, and  Peyton Place  was porn. 
 
We learned to gut a muffler, we washed our hair at dawn, 
We spread our crinolines to dry in circles on the lawn. 
 
We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince, 
And Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one’s seen him since. 
 
We danced to ‘Little Darlin,’ and sang to ‘Stagger Lee’ 
And cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me, Me. 
      
 Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many, 
And only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney. 
 
And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see 
A boy named George with Lipstick, in the Land That Made Me, Me. 
 
We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice, 
And when they made a movie, they never made it twice. 
 
We didn’t have a Star Trek Five, or Psycho Two and Three, 
Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty in the Land That Made Me, Me. 
 
Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp, 
And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp. 
 
We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T, 
And Oprah couldn’t talk yet, in the Land That Made Me, Me. 
We had our share of heroes, we never thought they’d go, 
At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe. 
 
For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be, 
And Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me, Me. 
 
We’d never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead, 
And Airplanes weren’t named  Jefferson  , and Zeppelins were not Led. 
 
And Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lived in trees, 
Madonna was Mary in the Land That Made Me, Me. 
 
We’d never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars, 
And babies might be bottle-fed, but they were not grown in jars. 
 
And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and ‘gay’ meant fancy-free, 
And dorms were never co-ed in the Land That Made Me, Me. 
 
We hadn’t seen enough of jets to talk about the lag, 
And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag. 
 
And hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea, 
And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me, Me. 
 
Buicks came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks, 
And bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks. 
 
And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee, 
And Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me, Me. 
 
We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no  Hill Street  Blues, 
We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea 
Or prime-time ads for those dysfunctions in the Land That Made Me, Me. 
 
There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill, 
And fish were not called Wanda , and cats were not called Bill. 
 
And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three, 
And ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me, Me. 
 
But all things have a season, or so we’ve heard them say, 
And now instead of Maybelline we swear by Retin-A. 
They send us invitations to join AARP, 
We’ve come a long way, baby, from the Land That Made Me, Me. 
 
So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans, 
And wonder why they’re using smaller print in magazines. 
And we tell our children’s children of the way it used to be, 
Long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me, Me.     

Classic Quotes by Alexander Hamilton

11 Jan

Classic Quotes by Alexander Hamilton (1755-1804)

American statesman

A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing.

A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.

Constitutions should consist only of general provisions; the reason is that they must necessarily be permanent, and that they cannot calculate for the
possible change of things.

Even to observe neutrality you must have a strong government.

In framing a government which is to be administered by men over men the great difficulty lies in this: You must first enable the government to control
the governed, and in the next place, oblige it to control itself.

In the general course of human nature, A power over a man’s subsistence amounts to a power over his will.

It is the advertiser who provides the paper for the subscriber. It is not to be disputed, that the publisher of a newspaper in this country, without a
very exhaustive advertising support, would receive less reward for his labor than the humblest mechanic.

Learn to think continentally.

——————–

Man is a reasoning rather than a reasonable animal.
 

Notable Birthdays For January 11

11 Jan

Those born on this date include:
- American statesman Alexander Hamilton, first secretary of the U.S. Treasury, in 1757
- Ezra Cornell, founder of Western Union Telegraph company and Cornell University, in 1807
- John MacDonald, first prime minister of Canada, in 1815
- Psychologist and philosopher William James in 1842
- Feminist lawyer Alice Paul in 1885
- South African novelist Alan Paton ( Cry, the Beloved Country ) in 1903
- Actor Rod Taylor in 1929 (age 81)
- Actress Amanda Peet in 1972 (age 38)
- Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien in 1934 (age 76)
- Singer Naomi Judd in 1946 (age 64)
- Singer Mary J. Blige in 1971 (age 39)

Give It Yor All

11 Jan

Give It Your All

David S.

Topeka, Kansas

An elderly carpenter was planning to retire and he told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the building business and live a more leisurely life
with his wife enjoying his extended family. The contractor was sorry to see one of his top and most loyal workers go and asked him if he would build just
one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter agreed, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship
and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.

When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. “This is your
house,” he said, “my gift to you.”

What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home
he had built none too well.

So it is with us. We build our lives in a distracted way, reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best. At important points we do
not give the job our best effort. Then with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that we are now living in the house we have built.
If we had realized that we would have done it differently.

Think of yourself as the carpenter. Think about your house. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Build wisely. It is the only life
you will ever build. Even if you live it for only one day more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with dignity.

This Day In History: January 11

11 Jan

In 1785, the Continental Congress convened in New York City.

In 1787, William Herschel discovers two moons of Uranus. They are named Titania and Oberon.

In 1861, Alabama seceded from the Union.

In 1908, the Grand Canyon National Monument was created.

In 1935, U.S. aviator Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly from Hawaii to California.

In 1949, Los Angles notes its first recorded snowfall.

In 1964, U.S. Surgeon General Luther Terry released a report saying smoking cigarettes is a definite “health hazard.”

In 1972, East Pakistan is renamed Bangladesh.

In 1984, the U.S. Supreme Court reinstated a $10 million award to the family of Oklahoma nuclear worker Karen Silkwood, who died in 1974.

In 1990, martial law, imposed during the June 1989 Tiananmen Square pro-democracy movement, was lifted in Beijing.

In 1996, the Japanese Diet elected Ryutaro Hashimoto, head of the Liberal Democratic Party, as prime minister.

In 2000, the British government declared Chile’s Augusto Pinochet medically unfit to stand trial in Spain. The ruling cleared the way for the former dictator
to avoid charges of crimes against humanity.

In 2001, a yearlong investigation by the U.S. Army concluded that U.S. soldiers killed unarmed South Korean civilians in July 1950 during the Korean War.

In 2002, Ford announced it planned to lay off 35,000 employees, drop four car models and close four plants.

Also in 2002, Taliban and al-Qaida fighters captured in Afghanistan were flown to the U.S. Navy base at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba.

And more from 2002, the father who killed another father after hockey practice in which their sons took part at a Reading, Mass., rink, was convicted of
involuntary manslaughter.

In 2003, a few days before leaving office, Illinois Gov. George Ryan commuted the death sentences of 171 inmates to life in prison.

In 2005, NASA scientists studying the tsunami-inducing Indonesia earthquake of Dec. 26 calculated it slightly changed Earth’s shape and shifted the poles
about 1 inch.

In 2006, India reported as many as 172 deaths have been blamed on a cold wave.

In 2007, the president of Sudan agreed to a 60-day cease-fire in the country’s war-torn Darfur region but continued to oppose a U.N. presence in the African
country.

In 2007 sports, Florida upset Ohio State for the College Bowl Series championship and, three months later, beat Ohio State again for its second consecutive
NCAA basketball title.

In 2009, Russia and Ukraine signed an agreement with the European Union that paves the way for resumption of natural gas deliveries. The Russian utility
Gasprom cut off gas supplies to Ukraine in a back payment dispute and, as a result, to Eastern European countries such as Poland and Bulgaria in the midst
of bitter cold weather.

Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: My Goodness, Grandma!

11 Jan

My Goodness, Grandma!

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the
car!”

The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation.

They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could
not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing.

He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five
feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.

If you’re going to have a Senior Moment, make it a memorable one!

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