Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: The New Pastor
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card
and wrote ‘Revelation 3:20′ on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned.
Added to it was this cryptic message, ‘Genesis 3:10.’
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins ‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock.’
Genesis 3:10 reads, ‘I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.’
Ezzy’s Joke of the Day
A drunk goes into a bar, sits down and says, “Hey, hey, bartender, can we talk about politics?”
The bartender says, “If there is one thing we don’t talk about in here, it’s politics.”
A little while later: “Hey, bartender, can we talk about religion?”
Again, the bartender says, “If one thing we don’t talk about in here, it’s religion.”
Then again, we hear, “Hey, bartender, can we talk about sex?”
The bartender says, “Sure.”
The drunk says, “Good. Fuck you!
“
Classic Quotes By William McKinley
Classic Quotes by William McKinley
1843-1901
American President
In the time of darkest defeat, victory may be nearest.
I do not prize the word “cheap.” It is not a badge of honor. It is a symbol of despair. Cheap prices make for cheap goods; cheap goods make for cheap men;
and cheap men make for a cheap country.
War should never be entered upon until every agency of peace has failed.
Good-bye — good bye, all. It is God’s way. His will, not ours, be done. Nearer my God to Thee, nearer to Thee.
Let us ever remember that our interest is in concord, not in conflict; and that our real eminence rests in the victories of peace, not those of war.
Our differences are policies; our agreements, principles.
That’s all a man can hope for during his lifetime – to set an example – and when he is dead, to be an inspiration for history.
Notable Birthdays For January 29
Those born on this date include:
- Swedish scientist and philosopher Emanuel Swedenborg in 1688
- American colonial political philosopher Thomas Paine in 1737
- William McKinley, 25th president of the United States, in 1843
- Russian dramatist Anton Chekhov in 1860
- Businessman John D. Rockefeller Jr. in 1874
- Comic actor W.C. Fields in 1880
- Dramatist Paddy Chayefsky in 1923
- Actor Victor Mature in 1913
- Actor John Forsythe in 1918 (age 92)
- Actress Katharine Ross in 1940 (age 70)
- Actor Tom Selleck in 1945 (age 65)
- Actress Ann Jillian in 1950 (age 60)
- Talk show host Oprah Winfrey in 1954 (age 56)
- Olympic gold medal diver Greg Louganis in 1960 (age 50)
- Actor Nick Turturro in 1962 (age 48)
- Actress Heather Graham in 1970 (age 40)
- Actress Sara Gilbert in 1975 (age 35)
This Day In History: January 29
In 1820, 10 years after mental illness forced him to retire from public life, King George III, the British king who lost the American colonies, died at the age of 82.
In 1845, Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven” is published.
In 1861, Kansas became the 34th state of the Union as a free or non-slavery state at a time when Southern states were seceding from the Union.
In 1886, German Karl Benz awarded patent for the gasoline-driven automobile.
In 1900, eight baseball teams were organized as the American League. They were in Buffalo, N.Y.; Chicago; Cleveland; Detroit; Indianapolis; Kansas City, Mo.; Milwaukee; and Minneapolis.
In 1979, Deng Xiaoping, deputy premier of China, and U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed historic accords that reversed decades of U.S. opposition to the People’s Republic of China.
In 1988, amid broad efforts toward peace in Central America, Pope John Paul II gave Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega a wary Vatican reception.
In 1991, the United States and the Soviet Union announced they would agree to a cease-fire in the Gulf War if Iraq made an “unequivocal commitment to withdraw from Kuwait.”
Also in 1991, in South Africa, the Africa National Congress and the Inkatha Freedom Party agreed to end their rivalry.
In 1993, U.S. President Bill Clinton directed the military to stop asking recruits about their sexual orientation as a compromise first step in his plan to lift the ban on homosexuals in the armed services.
In 1995, the San Francisco 49ers became the first team to win five Super Bowls when they routed the San Diego Chargers, 49-26.
In 1996, France announced that it would stop open-air nuclear testing.
In 2000, delegates from more than 130 nations meeting in Montreal adopted the first global treaty regulating trade in genetically modified food products.
In 2002, U.S. President George W. Bush warned in his State of the Union address that the war on terrorism was just beginning with thousands of potential terrorists “spread throughout the world like ticking time bombs.” It was in this speech he referred to Iran, Iraq and North Korea as part of an “Axis of Evil.”
In 2003, the U.S. Congressional Budget Office said the year’s federal deficit would soar to $199 billion.
In 2004, a Palestinian suicide bomber killed 11 people on a Jerusalem bus and injured 50 others. The blast disrupted the latest round of Israeli-Palestinian peace talks.
In 2005, Israel and the United States began efforts to talk EU officials into joining them in efforts to halt Iran’s nuclear weapons program.
In 2006, Kuwait’s new ruler, Sheik Sabah al-Ahmed al-Sabah, was sworn in to replace ailing Emir Sheik Saad Abdullah al-Sabah.
In 2007, Iran officials indicated Tehran would expand economic and military ties with Iraq, including establishment of an Iranian national bank branch in Baghdad.
In 2008, two federal reports alleged substandard care at a veterans’ hospital in Marion, Ill., had contributed to 19 deaths over the past two years.
Also in 2008, Brazil said it was talking with France about obtaining the technology it needs to build the first nuclear-powered submarine in Latin America.
In 2009, impeached Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich was convicted of abuse of power by an almost unanimous vote by members of the state House and Senate and removed from office.
Also in 2009, U.S. President Barack Obama signed his first bill into law, the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, expanding workers’ rights to sue in pay disputes
Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: Oxymorons
Oxymorons
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
7. Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
8. Why do “tug” boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game”
when we are already there?
10. Why are they called ” stands” when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
12. Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” opposites?
14. Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?
15. Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control
when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas – What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?
I dunno, why do we?
Classic Quotes By Jackson Pollock
Classic Quotes by Jackson Pollock
1912-1956
American painter
It doesn’t make much difference how the paint is put on as long as something has been said. Technique is just a means of arriving at a statement.
How do you know when you’re finished making love? [responding to the question: How do you know when you're finished?]
Abstract painting is abstract. It confronts you. There was a reviewer a while back who wrote that my pictures didn’t have any beginning or any end. He
didn’t mean it as a compliment, but it was.
I continue to get further away from the usual painter’s tools such as easel, palette, brushes, etc. I prefer sticks, trowels, knives and dripping fluid
paint or a heavy impasto with sand, broken glass or other foreign matter added.
I’m very representational some of the time, and a little all of the time. But when you’re painting out of your unconscious, figures are bound to emerge.
Life Isn’t About Keeping Score
Life Isn’t About Keeping Score
Sent by Candice of NYC
Life isn’t about keeping score. It’s not about how many friends you have. Or how many people call you. Or how accepted or unaccepted you are. Not about
if you have plans this weekend. Or if you’re alone. It isn’t about who your family is or how much money they have. Or what kind of car you drive. Or where
you’re sent to school.
It’s not about how beautiful or ugly you are. Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on, or what kind of music you listen to. It’s not about if
your hair is blonde, red, black, brown, or green. Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
It’s not about what grades you get, how smart you are, how smart everyone else thinks you are, or how smart standardized tests say you are. Or if this
teacher likes you, or if this guy/girl likes you. It’s not about representing your whole being on a piece of paper and seeing who will “accept the written
you.”
But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It’s about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully. It’s about keeping or betraying trust. It’s about
friendship, used as sanctity, or as a weapon. It’s about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening. About starting rumors and contributing
to petty gossip. It’s about what judgments you pass and why. And who your judgments are spread to.
But most of all, it’s about using your life to touch or poison other people’s hearts in such a way that could never occurred alone. Only you choose the
way these hearts are affected and those choices are what life is all about.
This is Rex Barker asking you to choose to help — not to hurt. To love, not to hate.
Notable Birthdays For January 28
Those born on this date include:
- Roman Catholic St. Thomas Aquinas in 1225
- Canadian Prime Minister and statesman Alexander MacKenzie in 1822
- Cuban revolutionary and poet Jose Marti in 1853
- French novelist Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette in 1873
- Concert pianist Arthur Rubinstein in 1887
- Abstract expressionist painter Jackson Pollock in 1912
- Sculptor Claes Oldenburg in 1929 (age 81)
- Actor Alan Alda in 1936 (age 74)
- Former leader of Liberia Charles Taylor in 1948 (age 62)
- Ballet dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov in 1948 (age 62)
- Singer Sarah McLachlan in 1968 (age 42)
- French President Nicolas Sarkozy in 1955 (age 55)
- Actress Susan Howard in 1944
- Actor Elijah Wood in 1981 (age 29)
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Recent
- Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: Doctor?
- Una Noche
- Classic Quotes by Vannevar Bush
- Notable Birthdays for March 11
- This Day In History: March 11
- Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: Some Ways To Spend the #250 mMillion Powerball Jackpot
- Classic Quotes by Clare Boothe Luce
- Notable Birthdays for March 10
- This Day In History: March 10
- Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: Marriage Quotes
- Classic Quotes by Robert James Fischer
- Notable Birthdays for March 9
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