Archive | December, 2009

A New Life

27 Dec

A New Life

                

Written By

                

Tiffany Renee Johnson

 

A new life is a special thing to have, especially, it’s a gift from God.  It’s a wonderful thing because it gives each and every one of us an opportunity
to have as many achievements to achieve as we can.  Having a new life is also a wonderful thing, especially in a spiritual way because we as children of
God has as many opportunities that comes our way by sharing the word of God which is brought forth by God, our heavenly father.  With this special gift,
we as individuals must always keep in mind that we must cherish this precious gift each and every day and live our lives to the fullest.  Personally, I’m
happy and pleased to have this precious gift who I know that it was given to me by God for a reason because it gives me an opportunity to educate and share
my story with individuals and it also gives me an opportunity to be able to achieve any types of aspirations that I have set to achieve in the future and
in life.  I’m greatful to know that throughout the first 23 years of my life, I’ve achieved so many aspirations that I had set to achieve throughout those
years.  This is a wonderful gift for every individual in this world to have especially in a spiritual way because every individual has another chance to
set things right in the spiritual way by following and obeying all of God’s commandments that’s been brought forth by our heavenly father until reaching
a destiny which is having eternal life with our heavenly father.  That’s also the best gift that we can ever have from God, our heavenly father.  Remember,
always cherish this precious gift, which is given to us by God, our heavenly father from the heavens above.  We as individuals should always keep in mind
that every day is a new life and a new beginning for each and every one of us on this earth.  

True story from a Novell NetWare SysOp

27 Dec

True story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:

  Caller: “Hello, is this Tech Support?”
  Tech Rep: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”
  Caller: “The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty
  period. How do I go about getting that fixed?”
  Tech Rep: “I’m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?”
  Caller: “Yes, it’s attached to the front of my computer.”
  Tech Rep: “Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it’s because I am.
  Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How
  did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?”
  Caller: “It came with my computer, I don’t know anything about a
  promotional. It just has ’4X’ on it.” At this point the Tech Rep had
  to mute the caller, because he couldn’t stand it. The caller had been
  using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it
  off the drive.

Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: Hot Revenge

27 Dec

Hot Revenge

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left
them there.

A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.

The other missionary couldn’t believe it! He said, ”What’s wrong with you? We’re being boiled alive! They’re gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny
at a time like this?”

The other missionary replied, ”I just peed in the soup!” 

Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: Who’s The Boss?

26 Dec

Who’s The Boss?

When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.

When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.

When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.

When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.

When you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he’s being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.

When you please your boss, you’re apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he’s being co-operative.

When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.

When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.

10 Signs Your Kids Don’t Like Their Christmas Presents

25 Dec

10 Signs Your Kids Don’t Like Their Christmas Presents:
10. There’s something half-hearted about the way they say, “Oh wow — Q- Tips”.

9. They spend Christmas morning making up games involving wrapping paper.

8. They hire a Gambino family hit man to break Santa’s kneecaps.

7. You see them trying to shove everything back up the chimney.

6. Spelled out in Legos on the front lawn are the words “You’re Cheap!!!”.

5. Moments after they unwrap gifts, you see them for sale on E-Bay.

4. Your son simply refuses to understand why you couldn’t get him two hours alone with Cindy Crawford.

3. They cite your gifts as a major factor in their decision to convert to Islam.

2. You wake up and find the head of Elmo in your bed.

1. They ask, “Where’d you buy this stuff — Crap `R’ Us?”

Who Is Santa Claus?

25 Dec

Santa Claus By Many Names

Kelli Mahoney

as we know it.St. Nicholas:Once there was a monk known as St. Nicholas. He was born in Patara (near what we now know as Turkey) in 280 AD. He was known
to be very kind, and that reputation led to many legends and stories. One story involved him giving away his inherited wealth while he helped those who
were sick and poor around the country. Another story is that he saved three sisters from being sold into slavery. Eventually he became known as the protector
of children and sailors. He died on December 6th, and so there is now a celebration of his life on that day.Sinter Klass:The Dutch maintained the celebration
of St. Nicholas far more than other cultures, and brought that celebration to America. The Dutch gave St. Nicholas the nickname, “Sinter Klass”, and by
1804 woodcuts of Sinter Klass came to define modern day images of Santa. Washington Irving popularized Sinter Klass in The History of New York by defining
him as the patron saint of the city.Christkind:Christkind, which is German for “Christ Child,” was considered something like an angel that went along with
St.Nicholas on his missions. He would bring presents to good children in Switzerland and Germany. He is sprite-like, often drawn with blond hair and angel
wings.Kris Kringle:There are two theories on the origin of Kris Kringle. One is that the name is simply a mispronunciation and misunderstanding of the
Christkind tradition. The other is that Kris Kringle began as Belsnickle among the Pennsylvania Dutch in the 1820s. He would ring his bell and give out
cakes and nuts to small children, but if they misbehaved they would receive a spanking with his rod.Father Christmas:In England, Father Christmas comes
down the chimney and visits homes on Christmas Eve. He leaves treats in children’s stockings. He would traditionally leave small toys and presents. Children
would leave out mince pies and milk or brandy for him.Pere Noel:Pere Noel puts treats in the shoes of well-behaved French children. He is joined in his
travels by Pere Fouettard. Pere Fouettard is the one who provides the spankings to bad children. While wooden shoes were used historically, today chocolate
wooden shoes are filled with candies to commemorate the holiday. Northern France celebrates St. Nicholas Eve on December 6th, so Pere Noel visits then
and on Christmas Day.Babouschka:There are several stories about Babouschka in Russia. One is that she put off traveling with the Wise Men to see the Baby
Jesus, instead opting to have a party, and regretted it afterward. So she set out every year to find the baby Jesus and give Him her gifts. Instead, she
does not find him and gives the gifts to the children she finds along the way. Another story is that she purposefully misled the wisemen, and soon realized
her sin. She places gifts at the bedsides of Russian children, hoping that one of them is the baby Jesus and that He will forgive her sins.Santa Claus:

Christmas shopping has been a tradition since the early 19th century. By 1820 stores advertised Christmas shopping, and by 1840 there were already separate
holiday ads that featured Santa. In 1890 the Salvation Army began dressing up unemployed workers as Santa and having them solicit donations throughout
New York. You can still see those Santas outside stores and on street corners today.

Yet it was Clement Clarke Moore, and Episcopal Minister, and Thomas Nast, a cartoonist, that brought us the epitome of our modern day Santa. In 1822 he
wrote a long poem titled, An Account of a Visit from St. Nicholas. It is what we now know as ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, and it gave us many of the
modern day characteristics of Santa such as his sleigh, laughter, and ability to fly up a chimney. It was Nast that drew the cartoon of Santa in 1881 that
depicted him with a round belly, white beard, large smile, and carrying a sack of toys. He gave Santa the red and white suit that we know so well today.
He also provided Santa with his North Pole workshop, elves, and Mrs. Claus.

Christmas Morning

25 Dec

Christmas Morning

Dawn O

Florida

Year after year my brothers, sister and I would wait anxiously on Christmas morning to hear my father’s voice saying it was all right to come down. Usually
I was the first one awake, (although I never admitted that I lie in bed waiting for my little brother to wake up everyone, since it was the assumed job
for the baby of the family). I can remember Christmas’ since I was probably 6 or 7. I remember every year, starting at Thanksgiving, my growing eager for
the season.

Even now as I look through the boxes of Christmas decorations I see the same familiar ones; the ornaments with our birth years on it, our five stockings,
four for the kids, one for the dog, and my father’s winter village that is set up on the mantle every year. It use to be easy for us to decide when to
put up the decorations. But now that we all have jobs and social lives it is usually a rushed activity. I’m still not sure what year our annual watching
of “White Christmas” ended.

Each year, especially as we get older, little things change and during the holiday season is when you realize them. It almost brings a pain to a little
place in your heart where all your hidden feelings go. The worst was the year after two of my grandparents had past away. Besides going to my mom’s mother’s
house on Christmas Eve, and my dad’s parent’s house on Christmas Day, we just had our family over our house on Christmas Day. Now when I think back to
it, I miss having my grandfather slide our presents across the floor. I even miss him calling me my nickname “Jessie”, even though I can’t stand when people
call me that.

Things change, not always for the good, but not always for the bad either. And the things that don’t change have the most important meaning to us, and
I’m sure they will for the rest of our lives. After all, every time I hear my father’s words “All right you guys, come on down, nice and slow” and we go
down the stairs in age descending order, first my brother, then me, then my sister, then my older brother. I still get the same feelings in the pit of
my stomach…the feelings of love, giving, peace, and most of all the true Christmas spirit.

Christmas In Heaven

25 Dec

Three men all die on Christmas Day, and arrive at the pearly gates. Peter greets them and tells them that they are all evil men who SHOULD go to hell -
but because it’s Christmas, he’ll let them into heaven if they have something representing the holiday with them. One of the guys has a Christmas ornament,
and gets let in. Another guy has pine needles on his shirt, and gets let in. The third guy pulls out a pair of panties.

“How do those represent Christmas?” asks Peter.

“These are Carol’s.” 

Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: Congressman’s Money

25 Dec

Congressman’s Money

A thief stuck a pistol in a man’s ribs and said, “Give me your money.”

The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said “You cannot do this, I’m a United States congressman!”

The thief said, “In that case, give me my money!” 

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