Maxine’s Perfect Solution For Health Care

      Here  is the solution:

      While discussing the upcoming Universal Health Care Program with my
sister-in-law the other day, I think we stumbled on the perfect solution for
health care.  I’m sure you’ve heard the idea that if you’re a senior you
need to suck it up and give up the silly notion that you need any health
care. A new hip?  Unheard of. We really can’t afford to take care of you
anymore.  You don’t need any medications for your high blood pressure,
diabetes, heart problems, etc.  Let’s take care of the young people.  After
all, they will be ruling the world very soon.

      So here is the solution.  When you turn 70, you get a gun and 3
bullets.  You are allowed to shoot one senator and 2 representatives. In a
relatively short period of time, you will be sent to prison where you will
get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head and all the health care you need!
New teeth, great!  Need glasses, no problem!  New hip, knee, kidney, lung,
heart?  Bring it on.  And who will be paying for all of this?  The same
government that just told you that you are too old for health care.  And,
since you are a prisoner, you won’t be paying any more income tax.
 

Hotel Bill

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to
consider this…
Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they’re too tired to
continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep
for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill
for $350.00. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so
high.
He tells the clerk although it’s a nice hotel, the rooms certainly
aren’t worth $350.00! When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard
rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the
hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were
available for the husband and wife to use.
‘But we didn’t use them,’ the man complains.
‘Well, they are here, and you could have,’ Explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for
which the hotel is famous.
‘The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood and Las Vegas perform
here,’ the Manager says.
‘But we didn’t go to any of those shows,’ complains the man again.
‘Well, we have them, and you could have,’ the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies, ‘But we
didn’t use it!’
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to
pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check.
‘But sir,’ he says, this check is only made out for $50.00.’ ‘That’s
correct,’ says the man. ‘I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my
wife.’
‘But I didn’t!’ exclaims the Manager.
‘Well, too bad,’ the man replies. ‘She was here and you could have.’
 

And They Walk Among Us?

ONE

you could have
an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.

I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

‘We don’t have half dozen nuggets,’ said the teenager at the counter.

‘You don’t?’ I replied.

‘We only have six, nine, or twelve,’ was the reply.

‘So I can’t order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?’

‘That’s right.’

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly
true…)

TWO:

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady
behind me put her things on the belt close to mine I picked up one of
those ‘dividers’ that they keep by the cash register and placed it between
our things so they wouldn’t get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the ‘divider’,
looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the
bar code, she said to me, ‘Do you know how much this costs?’

I said to her ‘I’ve changed my mind; I don’t think I’ll buy that today.’

She said ‘OK,’ and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE:

A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she
said she was shopping on
the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using
the ATM ‘thingy.’
(keep shuddering!!)

FOUR:

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. ‘Do you need
some help?’ I asked.

She replied, ‘I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door
unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to
a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?’

‘Hmmm, I don’t know. Do you have an alarm, too?’ I asked.

‘No, just this remote thingy,’ she answered, handing it and the car keys to
me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, ‘Why
don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries. It’s a long
walk….’
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE:

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she
was typing and turned to a secretary and said, ‘I’m almost out of typing
paper. What do I do?’
‘Just use paper from the photocopier’, the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank
piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five ‘blank’
copies.
Brunette, by the way!!

SIX:

A mother calls 911, very worried, asking the dispatcher if she needs to
take her kid to the emergency room because her kid had eaten ants.

The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be
fine.

The mother says, ‘I just gave him some ant killer……’

Dispatcher: ‘Rush him in to emergency!’
———————————————————-

Life is tough… It’s even tougher if you’re stupid!!!!

Red Phone In Hell

George Bush, Queen  Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.
While there,  they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil
tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call  Russia and
talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil  informs him that the
cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes  him a check.

Next Queen  Elizabeth call England and talks for 30 minutes. When she was
finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so  Queen
Elizabeth writes him a check. Finally George Bush gets his  turn and talks
for 4 hours. When he was finished the devil  informed him that there would
be no charge for the call and feel  free to call the USA anytime.

When Putin hears this  he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to
call the USA  free. The devil replied, Since Obama became president of the
USA,  the country has gone to hell, so naturally it’s a local call.