The Best of Late Night
“This is interesting. One of the top selling costumes this Halloween is a vampire version of President Obama called ‘Barackula.’ Also very popular is the
vampire version of former Vice President Dick Cheney, called ‘Dick Cheney.’” –Conan O’Brien
“First lady Michelle Obama and second lady Jill Biden were at game one of the World Series tonight in New York. They went because Michelle loves baseball,
and Mrs. Biden loves getting out of the house.” –Jimmy Fallon
“You know what is worse than being sick and not having health insurance? Having to sit through the Lieberman filibuster that kept it from you.” –Jon Stewart
“Of course, some people in Connecticut are upset that Joe now opposes the public option. Namely, the 64% of people in Connecticut who support a public
option. But remember, Joe’s party is ‘Connecticut for Lieberman,’ not ‘Lieberman for Connecticut.’ Big difference. You see, Joe’s a true independent. He’s
independent of political parties, and he’s independent of his constituents. I say, stick to your principles, Joe. And as soon as you can, let us know what
those are.” –Stephen Colbert
“In a speech in Canada, former President George W. Bush said he was proud that when he was in office he didn’t sell his soul, which is true. He rented
it to Dick Cheney, who then sublet it to Halliburton, but it’s totally different.” –Jay Leno
“Anyone here excited about the Yankees-Phillies World Series game? Here’s the latest. Senator Charles Schumer of New York is betting Pennsylvania Senator
Arlen Specter a case of New York cheesecakes versus a case of Philadelphia cheese steaks. So whoever wins the bet will die of a heart attack.” –Conan O’Brien
“The University of Chicago, where President Obama once taught law, they want to house the Barack Obama presidential library. The library will be just like
President George W. Bush’s library, except it will have books.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Yesterday was the 25th anniversary of the release of ‘Terminator.’ ‘Terminator’ is a movie we liked so much, we elected it governor here in California.”
–Jimmy Kimmel
“It’s a great day for America, everybody. Yes, it is. It is our secretary of state’s birthday. It is Hillary Clinton’s birthday. Happy birthday, Hillary.
President Obama asked her what she wanted, she said ‘Your job.’” –Craig Ferguson
“Hey, guys, this is big news. President Obama just declared the swine flu outbreak a national emergency. A couple of weeks ago, it was like, ‘Calm down,
it’s going to be fine.’ Now it’s a national emergency. I’m telling you, swine flu is a big threat, then it’s not, then it is. Make up your mind. This thing
is like the Brett Favre of infectious diseases.” –Jimmy “Fallon
