Halloween Jokes
Halloween Jokes
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts.
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetit!
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Ice scream.
Why do witches fly on brooms?
VCUUM cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?
When you’re a mouse.
What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
What do you call a friendly, dead Egyptian?
A chummy mummy.
What do you call a skeleton who won’t work?
Lazy bones.
How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scary spray.
What did Dracula say when he kissed his vampire girlfriend?
“Ouch!”
How do monsters tell their future?
They read their horriscope.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No. They eat the fingers separately.
Why don’t skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don’t have any body to go out with.
What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries.
What do zombies like to eat at a cookout?
Halloweenies.
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
What is a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving.
Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite.
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?
A boo boo.
What would a monster’s psychiatris be called?
Shrinkenstein.
;What is a baby ghost’s favorite name?
Peekaboo.
Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They’re too wrapped up in themselves.
Why did the vampire subscribe to the Wallstreet Journal?
He heard it had great circulation.
What did the ghost get for halloween?
Some Booo-T.
Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: The Programmer And the Princess
The Programmer And the Princess
A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess. He bent over, picked
up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you
for one week.
The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, If you kiss me and turn me back into
a princess, I’ll stay with you and do anything you want. Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t
you kiss me? The programmer said, Look, I’m a programmer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend — but a talking frog, now that’s cool.
Proverbs From England
Proverbs From England
* Justice delayed is justice denied.
* An empty belly hears nobody.
* An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.
* An illiterate king is a crowned ass.
* Anger dies quickly with a good man.
* He declares himself guilty who justifies himself before accusation.
* He is lifeless that is faultless.
* A full cup must be carried steadily.
* A man is as old as he feels himself to be.
* Use soft words and hard arguments.
* Danger and delight grow on one stalk.
* Don’t fall before you’re pushed.
* Give neither advice nor salt, until you are asked for it.
* He that plants trees loves others besides himself.
* One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.
* A bad penny always turns up.
Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: An Old Fart
A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window.
After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. Again, she starts to tilt to the
other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning.
Later, the family arrives and asks, “Are they treating you all right?”
“It’s pretty nice,” the old woman replies. “Except they won’t let you fart.”
Ten Things My Mother Amd My Grandmother Taught Me
Ten Things My Mother And My Grandmother Taught Me
By Ronit R.
1. It’s OK if you fall off the horse – at least you got on and tried your best.
2. Life, at times, may seem unfair; those are the days when we learn the most.
3. A love of good books means you will never be lonely.
4. Family gatherings keep us together and should not occur with just funerals and weddings.
5. We are only borrowing these bodies and these moments, treat them with loving care and respect.
6. The older we get, the more important activity is; once you stop moving, you stop living.
7. Don’t let the sunshine find you hiding indoors; a sunny day is an invitation to play.
8. No matter how much we fight as brothers and sisters, family is family and will always be there when you need them.
9. Never leave with an angry word, it might be the last thing you get to say to that person.
10. Last, but definitely not least…The mothers curse works: “Someday I hope you have children who act just like you!”
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