Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class,and the teacher says that an
interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other
animal in the world does this.
Johnny’s hand shoots up. “Not correct, Miss!” he says.
“Please explain, Johnny,” replies the teacher.
“Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The
neighbours’ Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went
“ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!”, and before he could say “FUCK
OFF!”, the dog ate him!”
Archive | May, 2009
Ezzy's Joke of the Day
23 MayEzzy's Joke of the Day: Havaii or Hawaii?
22 MayTwo men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced “HaVaii” or “HaWaii.”
They ask a passerby, who answers “Havaii.”
“Thank you,” says the satisfied first man.
“You’re velcome,” replies the passerby.
Ezzy’s Joke of the Day: The Army of the Lord
21 MayA man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as
he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped
the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him,
“You need to join the Army of the Lord!”
The man replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”
Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and
Easter?”
He whispered back, “Shhhhhhhhh. I’m in the secret service.”
Ezzy's Daily Joke: Meeting the Parents
20 MayA girl invites her boyfriend over for dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner she wants to have sex
with him for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but nervous because he’s a virgin. He goes to the pharmacy to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist his situation and asks for
advice. The pharmacist tells him everything there is to know about sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks how many condoms he’d like to buy: a 3-pack
or a 10-pack. The boy says he feels lucky and insists on the 10-pack.
That night, the boy shows up for dinner a little late. His girlfriend meets him at the door leads him straight to the dinner table where her parents are
already seated. The boy sits down, quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still silent with his head down. Five
minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 10 minutes, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boy, “I had no idea you were
this religious.”
The boy turns and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”
Ezzy's Daily Joke: Things Children Have Learned
19 MayNo matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
When your Mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
School lunches stick to the wall.
You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma’s lap.
Ezzy's Joke of the day: Hardwood Floors
17 MayI had to sneak into my living room, and we had hardwood floors. Those floors suck for cheating because every step you take just taunts you. You know, every
step you’re like, ‘Cheeeeater!’ ‘Liar!’ ‘Herpes, herpes, herpes!’
Ezzy's Daily Joke: How You Know You're Drunk
16 MayDane Cook: How You Know You’re Drunk
Here’s how you know that you’re really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
