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Archive | May, 2009
Ezy's Joke of the Day: Cookie Cookie Joke
30 MayQ: Why did the cookie go to the doctors office?
A: Because it was feeling crummy.
Ezzy's Joke of the Day
29 MayA Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to
the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain
announces: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very
bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane
will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below
us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island
appears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our maps. So
the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live
on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our
lives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island,
whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, “Esther, did we pay
our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?”
“No Morris!” she responded.
Morris smiles, then asks, “Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?”
“Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!”
Now Morris laughs.
“One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple
Building Fund check this month?”
“Oy Morris I forgot that one too!”
Now Morris is practically choking with laughter.
Esther asks Morris, “So what are you smiling and laughing about?”
Morris responds, “They’ll find us!!”
Ezzy's Joke of the Day: Fuck It
28 MayThere was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day, when he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to a shop assistant and asked, “Could I Have a fucket please?”
The assistant asked, “Pardon sir?”
“Can I have a fucket please?” replied the man.
“Oh, you mean a bucket!” the shop assistant replied.
The old man said “Yes, that’s what I said.” So the man paid for his bucket and went into the antique shop.
In the antique shop, he went to the cashier and asked, “Can I have a cock please?”
The cashier looked very puzzled and asked, “Pardon?”
The man again asked, “Can I have a cock please?”
The cashier replied, “Oh, you mean a clock!”
“Yes certainly sir.” So he payed for the clock and walked out of the shop.
The next stop was to the bakers. He went to the assistant and asked, “Can I have a bum please?”
The assistant said “Sorry sir, what did you say?”
So he repeated himself. “Can I have a bum please?”
The assistant said, “Oh, right, you mean a bun!”
The old man said, “Yes, that’s what I said in the first place.” So the man bought a bun and walked out of the shop.
As he was walking down the street, a little old lady came up to him and asked, “Excuse me sir, but do you know the time?”
The man replied, “Yes certainly, hold my bum and fucket while I get my cock out.”
Ezzy's Joke of the Day: What We Learn from Movies
27 May– It is always possible to park directly in front of any building you are visiting.– A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from
duty.– If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.– Most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication
systems of any invading alien civilization.– It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts — your enemies will
wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.– After a person suffers
a massive blow to the head, they will still be surprisingly good looking.– No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or
alien invasion will ever go into shock.– Partnering police officers with their total opposites will always, eventually, lead to buddy teams who share
unbreakable bonds and gruff affection.
Ezzy's Joke of the Day: Confused Boy
26 MayQ: Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
A: His daddy was really a mummy.
Ezzy's Joke of the Day: Japanese Pizza
24 MayAn American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip. He hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there’s any place where he can
get a pizza.
The concierge tells him he will call for delivery to his room and takes his order.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up. The businessman takes the pizza and starts sneezing uncontrollably.
He asks the delivery man, “What the heck did you put on this pizza?”
The delivery man bows deeply and says, “Just what you ordered — pepper only.”
Ezzy's Daily Joke: Confused Child In Wedding Party
23 MayA little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride’s
side and groom’s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, “ROAR,” step, step, “ROAR,” all
the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear.”
