SillyEz.com

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer wait for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumes, “What’s with these guys? We’ve been waiting for 15
minutes!”

The pastor says, “Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let’s have a word with him.”

“Say, George, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?” the doctor asks.

The groundskeeper tells them that the other golfers are a group of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving the clubhouse from a fire and that they
come and play for free whenever they want.

The group is silent for a moment.

The pastor says, “That’s so sad. I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor says, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

The engineer says, “Why can’t these guys play at night?” 

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

“What are you going to do with the prize money?” the officer asks.

The man responds, “I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license.”

His wife says, “Officer, don’t listen to him. He’s a smart aleck when he’s drunk.”

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, “I knew we wouldn’t get far in this stolen car.”

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, “Are we over the border yet?” 

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

“What are you going to do with the prize money?” the officer asks.

The man responds, “I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license.”

His wife says, “Officer, don’t listen to him. He’s a smart aleck when he’s drunk.”

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, “I knew we wouldn’t get far in this stolen car.”

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, “Are we over the border yet?” 

A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a
divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?” The farmer said,
“Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce’s.”
The attorney said, “well do you have any grounds?” The farmer
said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, ” No, you
don’t understand, do you have a case?” The farmer said, “No, I
don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.”
The attorney said, “No you don’t understand, I mean do you have
a grudge?” The farmer said, “Yea I got a grudge, that’s where I
park my John Deere.” The attorney said, “No sir, I mean do you
have a suit?”
The farmer said, “Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it in church on
Sundays.”
The exasperated attorney said, “Well sir, does your
wife beat you up or anything?”
The farmer said, “No sir, we both get up about 4:30.”
Finally, the attorney says, “Okay, let me put it this way. “WHY
DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?”
And the farmer says, “Well, I can never have a meaningful
conversation with her.”

A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a
divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?” The farmer said,
“Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce’s.”
The attorney said, “well do you have any grounds?” The farmer
said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, ” No, you
don’t understand, do you have a case?” The farmer said, “No, I
don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.”
The attorney said, “No you don’t understand, I mean do you have
a grudge?” The farmer said, “Yea I got a grudge, that’s where I
park my John Deere.” The attorney said, “No sir, I mean do you
have a suit?”
The farmer said, “Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it in church on
Sundays.”
The exasperated attorney said, “Well sir, does your
wife beat you up or anything?”
The farmer said, “No sir, we both get up about 4:30.”
Finally, the attorney says, “Okay, let me put it this way. “WHY
DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?”
And the farmer says, “Well, I can never have a meaningful
conversation with her.”

Three old ladies sit in a diner, discussing their health.

One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just
come up or was about to go down.”

The second lady says, “You think that’s bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to sleep or
had just woken up!”

The third lady smiles smugly. “Well, my memory is just as good as it’s always been, knock on wood,” she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled
look on her face, she asks, “Who’s there?” 

Sobel goes into the optometrist’s office.
He opens the door and says to the receptionist, “I think I need my eyes
checked.”
She says, “You’re not kidding. This is the Ladies Room.”

A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and asks, “Is this some kind of joke?”