SillyEz.com

Little Johnny’s teacher asked him, “Johnny, give me a sentence using the
words, “bitter end” in it.
Little Johnny thought for a moment and replies, “Our dog chased our cat
and he bitter end.”

A woman went to her priest with a problem. “Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, ‘Hi, we’re
prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?’ “

“That’s terrible!” exclaimed the priest. “But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots
whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to
praise and worship.”

The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage.
The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?”

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed “Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!” 

Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said “Please give me a
prescription for the Pill.”
“I don’t think you need the Pill at your age.”
“It relaxes me.”
“But you know the ‘purpose’ of the Pill. It’s not for
relaxing,” exclaimed the physician.
“I know,” said Mrs Ogden, “but my daughter dates, and every
morning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feel
more relaxed.

– All men are idiots, and I married their king.
– Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot.
– I brake for no apparent reason.
– Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.
– Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
– I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
– Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
– Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
– I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
– Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off NOW.
– Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
– Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
– Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.
– Consciousness cuts into my napping.
– Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
– There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
– Keep honking. I’m reloading.  

What’s the best thing about turning 65?

No more calls from insurance salesmen.

A woman visits a fortuneteller who tells her, “Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.”

Visibly shaken, the woman takes a few deep breaths, steadies her voice and asks, “Will I be acquitted?” 

Rabbit’s Ph.D. Thesis:

                               A Parable for Graduate Students

Scene: It’s a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside
his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter.

Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: “What are you working on?”

Rabbit: “My thesis.”

Fox: “Hmmm. What’s it about?”

Rabbit: “Oh, I’m writing about how rabbits eat foxes.”
(incredulous pause)

Fox: “That’s ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don’t eat foxes.”

Rabbit: “Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me.”

They both disappear into the rabbit’s burrow. After a few minutes, the
rabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: “What’s that you’re writing?”

Rabbit: “I’m doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves.”
(loud guffaws)

Wolf: “You don’t expect to get such rubbish published, do you?”

Rabbit: “No problem. Do you want to see why?”

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbit
returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

Scene: Inside the rabbit’s burrow. In one corner, there is a pile of fox
bones.  In another corner, a pile of wolf bones. On the other side of the
room, a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth.

  (The End)

 Moral:
   It doesn’t matter what you choose for a thesis subject.
   It doesn’t matter what you use for data.
   What does matter is who you have for a thesis advisor.