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There once was a boy named “Odd.”

People made fun of him because of his name, so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.

Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, “That’s odd.”

Glossary Terms
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Software Engineering Glossary of Product Terminology

NEW: Different colors from previous version.

ALL NEW: Software is not compatible with previous version.

UNMATCHED: Almost as good as the competition.

ADVANCED DESIGN: Upper management doesn’t understand it.

NO MAINTENANCE: Impossible to fix.

BREAKTHROUGH: It finally booted on the first try.

DESIGN SIMPLICITY: Developed on a shoe-string budget.

UPGRADED: Did not work the first time.

UPGRADED AND IMPROVED: Did not work the second time.
The Dumpty Dictionary, Version 2.0

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pop culture

Q: What’s E.T. short for?

A: Because he has little legs!

A guy is in the hospital with two broken legs. The nurse comes in and tells him that there’s good news and bad news.

The guy asks for the bad news first.

The nurse says, “We’re going to have to remove your legs.”

Then the guy asks for the good news.

The nurse says, “The guy beside you wants to buy your sneakers.”

– I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.

– Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize I was driving.

– Wow, you must’ve been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me!

– I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

– You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?

– You look just like my girlfriend’s deadbeat ex-husband.

– The question is — do YOU know why you pulled me over?

– I was trying to keep up with traffic, and it’s miles ahead of me.

– If you have to ask if I’ve been drinking, I’m not going to tell you, dude.

– It wasn’t my fault — when I reached down to roll this joint, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged under the brake pedal.

– That’s a sweet 9mm. You want to hold my .44 magnum?

– If I’d known I was getting a full body cavity search, I would have waxed!

Our Rights: The following was written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County, GA

    We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid anymore riots, keep
our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and securethe blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try
one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, basically lazy people. We hold these truths
to be self-evident:

    ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but
no one is guaranteeing anything.

    ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone – not just you! You
may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

    ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful. Do not expect the tool
manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

    ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in
need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation
of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

    ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in health
care.

    ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don’t be surprised if
the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

    ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t
be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.

    ARTICLE VIII: You don’t have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive
governments and won’t lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you’d like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want
to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

    ARTICLE IX: You don’t have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect
you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

    ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness, which, by the way, is a lot
easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel
and a dime — Little Johnny always takes the nickel.

One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime
is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”

Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel
and a dime — Little Johnny always takes the nickel.

One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime
is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”

Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”

It is near the end of the school year.  The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because
of this.

Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today.”

Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”

Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”

Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”

Johnny is MAD that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”

Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can   do for you’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says,  “John F. Kennedy.”

Teacher: “That’s right  Nancy, you may also leave.”

Johnny is BOILING mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!”

The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?!?!”

Johnny: “BILL CLINTON.  CAN I GO NOW?”