SillyEz.com

  A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a
  mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the
  farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm
  but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s Mercedes back
  to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws
  the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car
  forward saving him from sinking!

  A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow
  again and the chicken falls into the mud hole. The chicken yells to
  the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse says, “I
  think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretches over the width of
  the hole and says, “Grab for my ‘thingy’ and pull yourself up.” And
  the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

  The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a
  Mercedes to pick up a chick.

What are the worst 3 years of a blondes life?

The 1st grade.

Blonde

Three blondes are stranded on an island.
A fairy comes along and says that she will grant each person a wish.
So the first blonde says she wants to be really smart so she digs and finds a cell phone and calls the Army.
The second blonde says that she wants to be even smarter so she finds a flair and sets it off.
The third blonde says that she wants to be even smarter than both of them, so the fairy changes her hair color to black and she says,” Let’s go over the
bridge.”

Doctor: We operated on your eyes and we’ve managed to save one of them.

Patient: Oh, thank you very much.

Doctor: Yes, we’ll give it to you on your way out.

So the new conductor addresses the orchestra. He tells them that
things are going to change, that everyone will be expected to be
on time and that they will work for many long hours. The timpanist,
expressing his displeasure at the turn of events, belts out on the
drums BOOM-BOOM- BOOM-BOOM. The conductor, whirling around
furiously, says, “Alright, who did that?!”

Tim Shandy stepped into the Warm Spoon, a popular Galway tavern.
To Mike Callahan, the barkeep, Shandy said “Mike, I’ll be havin’
three whiskeys.”
Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. “Now, Timothy,
it’s not the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. It’s
celebratin’, you are.
“Ahh, ye know me too well, Micheal, ye do. Truth, and I’m celebrating
me first blow job.”
Callahan smiled benevolently and set a fourth glass on the bar.
“Now, that’s special,” he said. “For an old customer like y’rself,
here’s a fourth on the house, so I may be sharin’ your celebration
with you.”
Shandy shook his head, and replied “‘Tis verra kind of ye, Micheal,
but I’m thinkin’ if three won’t get rid of the taste, four won’t
either.”

One day many years ago, a fisherman’s wife blessed her
husband with twin sons.  They loved the children very much,
but couldn’t think of what to name their children.  Finally, after
several days, the fisherman said, “Let’s not decide on names
right now.  If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur
to us.”

After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife
noticed a peculiar fact.  When left alone, one of the boys would
also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face
inland.  It didn’t matter which way the parents positioned the
children, the same child always faced the same direction.
“Let’s call the boys Towards and Away,” suggested the
fisherman.  His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys
were simply known as TOWARDS and AWAY.

The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong.  The day
came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, “Boys, it is
time that learned how to make a living from the sea.”  They
provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a
three month voyage.

The three months passed quickly for the fisherman’s wife, yet
the ship had not returned.  Another three months passed, and
still no ship.

Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a
lone man walking towards her house.  She recognized him as
her husband.  ”My goodness!  What has happened to my
darling boys?” she cried.

The ragged fisherman began to tell his story:

“We were just barely one whole day out to see when Towards
hooked into a great fish.  Towards fought long and hard, but the
fish was more than his equal.  For a whole week they wrestled
upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually
the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled
over the side of our ship.  He was swallowed whole, and we
never saw either of them again.”

“Oh dear, that must have been terrible!  What a huge fish that
must of been! What a horrible fish.  What a horrible fish.”

“Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away….”